A Lesson A Day 29 Cheshvan, 5766 / December 1, 2005

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM 

Day 59 – Character Deficiencies 

Helping one’s fellow to improve his character also falls within the realm of toeles, constructive purpose.  If an acquaintance requires character refinement, then the mitzvah to reprove one’s fellow Jew requires one to bring the matter to that person’s attention with care and sensitivity.  However, if one feels incapable of offering reproof and knows that others are also aware of this person’s character deficiencies, he is permitted to discuss the matter with them and seek their advice or involvement, if necessary.  Though we have seen that it is lowly and forbidden to speak negatively of someone even with those who are already aware of the information, constructive speech is not at all lowly.

Should one find it necessary to consult with someone who is unaware of this person’s deficiencies for guidance in how to approach the person, he may do so, for this too constitutes constructive speech.  However, if it is possible to discuss the issue without mentioning names, then this course must be followed.

We have already seen (Day 53) that if one seeks the active involvement of someone who is unaware of the situation, that individual would have to investigate the matter personally and verify the facts before taking definitive action. 

SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON

No Credibility 

When one is told loshon hora and attempts to follow the Torah’s command to reject it as false, the evil inclination often counters with the following argument: “How can you not accept this report as fact? Dare you accuse the speaker of lying, of transgressing the prohibition, ‘Distance yourself from falsehood’? ” (Shemos 23:7). 

The response to this is as follows: If you were to see a Jew [who is knowledgeable in the laws of Jewish observance] flagrantly violate Torah law, would you then accept as fact whatever information he has to offer about others? Certainly not! Surely one cannot trust the word of one who openly flouts Hashem’s will. 

A Jew who speaks ill of his fellow has transgressed “You shall not be a gossipmonger among your people” (Vayikra 19:16), a most severe prohibition. As the halachah makes clear, this prohibition is violated even when the report is true. Thus, the speaker is guilty of severe transgression and, as such, has no credibility. 

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM 

Day 60 – Problem Students 

The dedicated teacher often finds it necessary to discuss the progress and difficulties of students with parents, colleagues and principals.  A lack of clear guidelines with regard to loshon hora⁽²⁾ can create either a free-for-all atmosphere, where people talk about anyone with anyone, or, at the other extreme, a simplistic approach to Shmiras Haloshon⁽³⁾ which could inhibit the teacher’s effectiveness as an educator. 

Generally speaking, the area of chinuch (child education and upbringing) constitutes a constructive purpose which would permit relating negative information concerning a student.  However, the specific conditions which permit speaking negatively for a constructive purpose must never be overlooked. 

Verification of facts is crucial.  For a teacher to play amateur psychologist and hastily diagnose the student as having some complex disability or disorder without pursuing the matter properly constitutes recklessness – and the consequences can be devastating.  To communicate one’s evaluation under such circumstances would be hotzaas shem ra (slander).  It is an unfortunate fact that certain problematic children have not succeeded only as a result of having been misunderstood by a teacher, whose labeling tainted the image of that student in the eyes of all his future teachers.   

A teacher must make every effort to fully understand the behavior of each student; he must not be swift to condemn.  It is essential that a student feel comfortable about expressing his true feelings to his teacher (in a respectable manner, of course).  Conditions 1-4 of constructive speech (see Day 50) necessitate a good heart-to-heart talk with the student before reporting a problem (unless one suspects that serious danger may be imminent).  

SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON 

Source of Merit 

To reject loshon hora as false is an exceedingly great source of merit — especially if the subject of the report is respected as a man of spiritual stature. Tanna D’Vei Eliyahu (II, ch. 7) states:

It is said of Yeravam ben Yoash that he was a man who accorded the prophets honor. Therefore, those nations which the Holy One, Blessed is He, did not give over into the hands of Yehoshua bin Nun or David, King of Israel, He gave over into the hands of Yeravam ben Yoash, as it is written, “He [Yeravam] returned the borders of Israel from the approach to Chamas until the sea of Aravah ...” (II Melachim 14:25). Why did Yeravam, who was an idol worshiper, merit this? Because he did not accept loshon hora regarding the prophet Amos. ...At that moment [when he rejected the report against the prophet], God said, “Though the generation is guilty of idol worship and its leader is guilty of idol worship, nevertheless, the land which I promised to Avraham, Yitzchak and Yaakov will be given over into his [Yeravam’s] hands.”

Shmiras Haloshon Yomi

29 Cheshvan, 5766 / December 1, 2005 

Day 60 - Split Personalities

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM — Laws of Loshon Hora 7:5-6 

The famed R’ Yisrael Salanter once said that the “eleventh commandment” is “Don’t be a fool,” which means that the Torah obligates us to use our intelligence and life experience to navigate our lives. So, when someone known to be dishonest attempts to swindle your life’s savings, you are under no obligation to judge him favorably and give him the benefit of the doubt. 

The Chofetz Chaim tells us that if someone is a confirmed rasha (wicked person), meaning that he openly and consistently transgresses Torah prohibitions, then one is allowed to accept loshon hora about him. The exact guidelines for classifying someone as a rasha are complex and are beyond the scope of this work. However, one point which has been mentioned earlier bears repeating. Nowadays, most non-observant Jews are people who have never been introduced to the beauty and truth of Torah Judaism. Rambam likens such a person to a “tinok shenishba,” a child who was captured by gentiles and who grew up ignorant of his heritage. Such a person is surely no rasha; we should treat him with love and compassion and surely we should not speak badly of him. 

The Chofetz Chaim then discusses the case of a person who recounts a story which reflects poorly on himself and on someone else as well. For example, you are at your twenty-fifth high school reunion and a former classmate is amusing everyone with a story about the time he and a friend — who could not attend the reunion — put maple syrup on the teacher’s chair. While the speaker may find the story funny, his friend might not want to be remembered for such things. And most people would not want their children to discover such stories about them. 

The halachah prohibits the listeners from accepting the loshon hora about the second person even though the speaker is incriminating himself as well. At first glance, this halachah seems difficult to observe. How am I to take a story which I heard firsthand and split it into two, believing it only regarding the speaker? The key here is to see halachah as a reality. As the Chofetz Chaim states, I cannot believe the story as far as it concerns the second person, because a Jew has a chezkas kashrus, a presumed status of one who is faithful to Torah and mitzvos — including the Torah’s requirements regarding proper behavior. Therefore, I have no right to believe that the second person has acted improperly unless I know this information firsthand. 

A story about the great Torah leader Rabbi Moshe Feinstein bears mentioning. Halachah prohibits a person from walking in front of someone who is praying Shemoneh Esrei. Once, R’ Moshe was on his way to an important meeting when he noticed someone near the doorway praying Shemoneh Esrei. He stopped in his tracks and would go no further. “There is a wall blocking my path,” R’ Moshe explained. The wall, of course, was the strength of the halachah which prohibited him from walking any further. By seeing halachah as a powerful reality, following its requirements becomes relatively easy. 

Day 61 - The Trustworthy Witness

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM — Laws of Loshon Hora 7:7-8 

In this segment, the Chofetz Chaim begins discussing three situations where seemingly there is reason to allow the listener to accept loshon hora as fact. These situations are: 

1.  Where the speaker’s integrity is, to your mind, beyond reproach, to the point where his word alone is equivalent (in your eyes) to that of two men testifying in court. 

2.  Where the derogatory information is inferred from an innocent remark which was not spoken with the intent of conveying negative information. 

3.  Where there is strong evidence indicating that the derogatory information is true. 

The Chofetz Chaim devotes the remainder of this segment to a discussion of the first of these situations. Earlier (Day 42), we discussed a case where a person witnessed an act of sin, but knew that the sinner would ignore his words of rebuke. In this case, if it is likely the person will repeat the offense, then the witness would be allowed to relate the information to the sinner’s rav or someone else who is in a position to offer rebuke. One of the three conditions which make this permissible is that the rav or parent knows the witness and trusts his word as he would the testimony of two witnesses. 

Here, the Chofetz Chaim points out that for the witness to be permitted to relate what he has seen, it would have to have been an act which was an intentional violation of a well-known halachah. However, in a situation where the perpetrator may have acted out of ignorance or unwittingly, the witness would be required to give him the benefit of the doubt. He would not be allowed to report the incident in a derogatory way to the person’s rav; if he did report it, the rav would not be permitted to accept the witness’s interpretation. The same applies in any situation where it is not clear that the subject has intentionally violated a mitzvah. 

For instance, a local charity is seeking a donation from a successful young businessman in the community. The young man refuses to contribute. While giving charity is certainly required by the Torah, refusing a particular request is not a violation of that law. Perhaps the young man has given his share elsewhere, or has less to give than others think. In this example, even if the fundraiser feels that the young man is being stingy, he is not allowed to approach the young man’s rav and ask that he rebuke his congregant for his stinginess. 

Similarly, even when the speaker is a person whom the listener trusts implicitly, he would not be permitted to accept any sort of report which the speaker is forbidden to discuss; for example, that the subject lacks intelligence, that he has a shameful family history, etc. 

The Chofetz Chaim states that in cases where the information does pertain to an obvious sin, the listener cannot accept the report (from someone whom he trusts like two witnesses) for the purpose of rebuking unless the speaker himself witnessed the incident. Furthermore, the listener, may not repeat the information to others unless there is a constructive purpose (and all 7 conditions are met — see Day 77). Obviously, the listener may not cause the perpetrator physical or monetary harm as a result of the report. 

It is important to bear in mind that when one approaches a rav or parent to exercise their positive influence on someone, a potentially volatile situation has been created. This is especially true regarding parents; many parents resent hearing negative reports about their children and when they are approached with such reports their defense mechanisms shift into high gear. In such cases, extreme care and caution should be exercised so that the negative words which are spoken can achieve their intended purpose.

Lessons in Truth

29 Cheshvan, 5766 / December 1, 2005 

Day 59 - Purpose of Redemption

SEFER SHEM OLAM — Chapter Five: Approaching Torah Study with Alacrity 

Attainment of Torah knowledge is the greatest of all accomplishments, and therefore one should direct constant effort and energy toward this goal. It is well known that Torah study is paramount among all mitzvos. 

Many mitzvos — among them Shabbos, Pesach and tefillin — are intertwined with the Exodus from Egypt. The Torah stresses the Exodus so much because through its great miracles, fundamental matters of Jewish faith became clear for all time, as it is written, “Israel saw the great hand that Hashem inflicted upon Egypt... and they had faith in Hashem and in Moshe, His servant” (Shemos 14:31). The Exodus also demonstrated the concept of hashgachah, Hashem’s awareness of and involvement in all that transpires on this earth, as the Torah states, “... so that you will know that I am Hashem in the midst of the Land” (ibid. 8:18). For these lessons alone, the Exodus would have been worthwhile. 

However, the Torah makes clear that the Exodus served yet another crucial purpose, one which surpassed even those which we have mentioned. The primary goal of the Exodus was that it should serve as a prelude to the Giving of the Torah at Sinai. “[Hashem said to Moshe]: When you take the people out of Egypt, you will serve God on this mountain” (ibid. 3:12). And as the Torah states regarding the mitzvah of tefillin, “... it shall be as a sign on your arm and a reminder between your eyes — so that Hashem’s Torah may be in your mouth — for [this is why] with a strong hand Hashem took you out of Egypt” (ibid. 13:9). 

The Talmud teaches: “Through what [deeds] do women merit eternal life? Through bringing their children to the synagogue to learn Scripture, through sending their husbands to the study hall [to learn], and for waiting for their husbands until they come home from the study hall” (Berachos 17a). The obvious question is: Why not credit women with the many mitzvos which they do that are unrelated to Torah study? 

As the Chofetz Chaim makes clear in the following segment, there is a degree of spiritual reward that can be attained only through the merit of Torah study. Additionally, notes Rabbi Chaim Pinchus Scheinberg, our Sages teach that to merit techias hameisim (the revival of the dead), Torah study is a must. As the Talmud states, the merit to come alive again will come from the “dew” of Torah (Kesubos 111b). Only Torah study has this life-giving quality.

Rabbi Scheinberg adds that an unmarried woman can gain merit through support of Torah study. The Torah tells us that the tribes of Yissachar and Zevulun engaged in a partnership whereby Yissachar devoted his life to the study of Torah and was supported by Zevulun (See Day 65). Zevulun’s spiritual reward for this “partnership” was equal to that of Yissachar. Anyone, man or woman, can acquire the merit of Torah study through its support (from Heart to Heart Talks). 

Day 60 - Source of Life and Light

SEFER SHEM OLAM — Chapter Five: Approaching Torah Study with Alacrity (cont.) 

Hashem seeks to grant the Jewish people merit so that they can enjoy eternal life in the World to Come. It is impossible to attain this without Torah, which is the source of spiritual life, as it is written, “...for it is your life and the length of your days...” (Devarim 30:20). Torah is also the source of spiritual light, as it is written, “For a mitzvah is a lamp and the Torah is light” (Mishlei 6:23). When a person attaches himself to Torah, its light casts its glow upon his soul and it is through this light that he lives an eternal life in the World to Come. This is what is meant by “...and eternal life He implanted in us...” which is recited each morning in Shacharis and as part of the closing blessing of the public Torah reading. Specifically, these words refer to the Oral Law. 

Conversely, a Jew who separates himself from Torah, separates himself from life itself — literally. We can now understand why Hashem is so exacting when the Jewish people forsake the Torah, as the Talmud teaches: “The Holy One, Blessed is He, was yielding regarding the sins of idol worship, immorality and murder, but He was unyielding regarding the disruption of Torah study [bitul Torah]” (Yerushalmi Chagigah 1:7). 

The Jewish people are as precious to Hashem as a child is to a father or mother. Can we imagine the distress of a father who watches as his child swallows a potion that will shorten his lifespan? Hashem’s distress, as it were, is many times greater when a Jew forsakes the mitzvah of Torah study, for he is thereby cutting himself off from the source of eternal life. 

The Chofetz Chaim refers to the teaching that the Heavenly decree of exile and destruction of the First Beis HaMikdash was sealed on account of the Jews’ disruption of Torah study. Elsewhere, our Sages teach that the generation was guilty of “not reciting the [required] blessing on the Torah prior to learning” (Nedarim 81a). Rabbi Aharon Kotler explained: 

They believed in Torah and mitzvos and fulfilled their religious obligations, including involvement and toil in Torah study, but they failed to appreciate the inestimable value of Torah, that without it there is no purpose whatsoever to Creation and that the whole eternal purpose of life can be fulfilled only through Torah. Therefore, they failed to recognize the great importance of offering praise [to God] for the Torah [by reciting the Blessing of the Torah]. Because of this, they lacked the benefit of the full spiritual light that radiates from Torah. 

Though the First Beis HaMikdash was destroyed because of the three cardinal sins which were found among a portion of the people, nevertheless, had their appreciation for Torah been adequate, G-d would have been yielding — because they would have been in a position to repent and better their ways. However, once they lacked a proper appreciation of Torah, it was impossible to ignore their sins.(Mishnas Rabbi Aharon, based on Rabbeinu Yonah as cited by Ran)

FOLLOW-THROUGH 

"Everything depends upon execution; having just a vision is no solution."-- Stephen Sondheim

"Some people plant in the spring and leave in the summer. If you've signed up for a season, see it through. You don't have to stay forever, but at least stay until you see it through." -- Jim Rohn

"Follow up and follow through until the task is completed, the prize won." -- Brian Tracy

"Failure is not about insecurity. It's about lack of execution." -- Jeffrey Gitomer

PROGRESS

Whatever there be of progress in life comes not through adaptation but through daring, through obeying the blind urge.

Henry Miller (1891-1980)
Writer


Work is the conduit between the supply and the demand of all human needs, the forerunner of human progress, and the medium by which the imagination is given the wings of action.

Dennis Kimbro
Motivational writer and speaker

by Adam Lieberman

Living For Tomorrow

Esau and Jacob were twin brothers. Esau spent his days hunting in the fields and his brother, Jacob, spent his time studying and learning. One day, Jacob was making a stew when his brother Esau came in from a long day of being in the field and...

"Esau said to Jacob, 'Pour ... me ... some of that red stuff for I am exhausted.' Jacob said, 'Sell ... your birthright to me.' ....Esau said, '...I am going to die, so of what use to me is a birthright?' " (Genesis 25:30-32)

A LIFE LESSON

Why would someone sell his birthright, which was worth an incalculable amount both spiritually and monetarily, for a bowl of stew? Esau gladly did so and then justified it because he was one day going to pass away.

Sadly, this is the similar rationale we use ourselves when we want to engage in any unhealthy behavior. We all live with a constant inner struggle between having immediate gratification or thinking about the future. But healthy decisions can only be made when someone lives with the awareness that his choices have a direct impact on his life. This "tomorrow filter" is what all of your desired actions need to pass through.

Many smokers rationalize their habit by declaring that, "we're all going to die of something ... I might as well enjoy myself." If you push that faulty logic a little further, they might as well live their entire lives just as recklessly. How about only eating foods that are loaded with sugar or fat? Or maybe experiment with drugs after a long, hard day.

The problem with all of this is there is a tomorrow and it's precisely how you live today that will determine this tomorrow. Pointing out someone you know who never got sick and lived to 129 years old on a diet of whiskey, steak and cigars doesn't give you the freedom to live recklessly and without limits. In fact, it's actually these stories that give you true free will to choose a correct and healthy path.

Esau cared only about what he wanted now. There was no thinking about tomorrow. This kind of thinking can lead someone to do anything he feels like doing and then proudly and confidently justify his behavior.

You can only truly feel great when you sacrifice short-term pleasure by investing in your future and doing what's right. Sacrificing what's right for your immediate pleasure ultimately makes you feel lousy. And that's the great irony.

God set up a system that demands that we grow. And this can only happen through fighting temptations and doing what's right. Then the lasting joy you'll own forever will be on a stratospheric higher level than the temporary and fleeting pleasure you passed up. And the more you're able to do this, the happier you'll be. Today and tomorrow.

by Rabbi Zev Leff

Free Will or Predestination

"And the children clashed within her." (Genesis 25:22)

Whenever she passed the entrances to the House of Study of Eber, Jacob struggled to exit, [whenever] she passed the entrance to houses of idol worship, Esau struggled to exit (Rashi)

The Midrash cited by Rashi requires much study, for it seems to imply that Esau and Jacob were already fixed in their tendencies to evil and righteousness, respectively, prior to birth. That would seem to contradict the very foundation of Torah: the principle of free will.

The Midrash also seems to contradict another teaching of the Sages. The Talmud (Sanhedrin 91b) relates that Rebbe Yehudah, the descendant of Jacob, and the Roman leader Antoninus, the descendant of Esau, debated when the yetzer hara enters a person. Rebbe Yehudah maintained that it enters at conception, and Antoninus maintained that it enters at birth. After Antoninus brought scriptural proof to bolster his opinion, Rebbe Yehudah acquiesced that it enters only at birth.

Yet the Midrash, cited above, seems to attribute a yetzer hara to Esau prior to birth!

Maimonides begins Hilchos De'os with a discussion of in-born personality traits and predispositions. For instance, he writes, some people are by nature cruel and others merciful. Yet Maimonides in the fifth chapter of Hilchos Teshuvah is emphatic that a person's nature does not cause him to be righteous or evil, merciful or cruel, wise or foolish, generous or stingy. The choice lies completely in his own hands.

Aside from the apparent contradiction with Hilchos De'os, this statement is problematic for another reason. The assertion that wisdom or foolishness is not decreed seems to contradict the Talmud (Niddah 16b), which states clearly that wealth, strength, and intelligence are decreed at conception. Only whether one will be righteous or wicked is not decreed.

Resolution of the problem of in-born traits with individual free will is based on the following premise: While no two people are born with the same exact character traits, and those traits are influenced by many factors - including spiritual forces both prior to and at conception - these traits are not inherently good or bad. They are "pareve." A predilection towards anger, for instance, is not necessarily an evil trait. There are situations when anger is required and is the correct response [e.g. displaying anger when a child does something dangerous].

Similarly, all natural traits and tendencies can be directed in both positive and negative directions. The tendency to shed blood, for instance, can be utilized as a shochet (butcher), a mohel, or surgeon, or alternatively it can be directed towards crime and murder. Although the character traits are predetermined, their function and control are totally in the hands of the individual. He exercises his free will in utilizing them for good or bad, and suppressing these tendencies when necessary.

Wisdom and intelligence are two distinct realms. One can have the IQ of a genius and act like a fool, and one can lack a high IQ and yet act with wisdom. Although intelligence is largely predetermined, as the Talmud states, whether one acts wisely or foolishly is, as Maimonides writes, a function of one's free will.

There is, however, one point that still needs to be clarified. While it is true that no single character trait or tendency is intrinsically good or bad, there are nevertheless certain traits that are more conducive to righteous conduct and those more prone to evil. A tendency towards anger, for example, is more prone to be abused, since there are more instances where anger is negative than where it is positive. By contrast, a natural tendency towards calmness is more prone to lead one to righteous conduct, since there are more instances where this behavior is positive than not.

Thus the difference in natural tendencies might seem to contain an element of injustice. But three points must be kept in mind. First, every person embodies a myriad of character traits. Though someone may be born with a trait that is predominantly negative, he will almost certainly have other traits that are predominantly positive.

Secondly, God takes into consideration one's predispositions in determining the situations he will be confronted with in life.

Finally, as the Vilna Gaon states, God judges each individual in relation to his specific nature. Hence, a person prone to anger by nature will be judged less harshly if he succumbs to a fit of anger than a person who is by nature calm. Likewise, a person with a predisposition to anger will receive more reward for controlling his anger than a person with a calm disposition.

Considered in this light, the Midrash is not telling us that Jacob and Esau were acting in a good or evil fashion prior to birth. Rather they displayed tendencies toward either the more spiritual aspects of this world or the more physical. The houses of Torah study represent the epitome of spirituality and those of idolatry the epitome of physicality (idol worship being the deification of physical forces).

Esau and Jacob ideally represented the partnership necessary to bring this world to perfection - the mastery and perfection of the physical world as a basis for spiritual perfection. The Jewish people would need both the Tribe of Yehudah, from whom the kings came and whose role was to master the world and conquer the forces of evil, and the Tribe of Levi from whom the High Priest (Kohen Gadol) came and whose role was to provide spiritual guidance and inspiration.

The Sages tell us that Jacob and Esau divided Olam Hazeh (this world) and Olam Haba (the World to Come) between themselves; Esau taking the former and Jacob the latter. This does not mean that Esau divested himself of a share in Olam Haba before birth, but rather that these two embryos had the ultimate potential to control the physical world and the spiritual world respectively. Had Esau used his traits and tendencies properly, he could have become a partner with Jacob in bringing the world to perfection. Similarly, had Jacob abused his traits, he could have developed into one who distorted and corrupted spiritual concepts and values.

The example of what the partnership of Jacob and Esau could have been was epitomized by their descendants: Antoninus - the might of Rome conquering the physical world, and Rebbe Yehudah - the spirituality of Israel directing it toward spiritual values and goals. Nowhere does it state that Esau wanted to serve idolatry, only that he had a tendency towards it; he was just as capable of destroying idolatry and vanquishing the idolaters, as serving and promoting it. His mother Rebecca, says the Sifsei Kohen, deliberately passed by these places of idolatry in order to influence the heathens to renounce their idolatry.

Now we can understand why Isaac wanted to give Esau the blessing, and loved Esau the hunter more than Jacob, the diligent student. Esau deceived Isaac into thinking that he could employ his tendencies towards the physical world to conquer the world for Torah and subdue the forces of evil. Isaac attributed the differences he noted in Esau's and Jacob's behavior - the fact that Esau did not mention God's name and acted without proper courtesy - to Esau's role as the mighty warrior who spoke with force and not finesse. He assumed that Esau was afraid to mention God's name out of fear that he might forget himself in places to which his mission in life would inevitably bring him where mentioning God's name is prohibited.

Isaac thought that Esau was utilizing his unique traits for the good. True, in less than sublime ways, but that is the role of a king, who has to engage in war and to meet evil head-on to maintain justice in the world. Therefore Isaac desired to give the blessings, which were all material in nature, to Esau, who would need them to fulfill his role. Jacob, he felt, did not need those blessings in the safe confines of the tents of learning.

Only Rebecca saw through the righteous facade of Esau and recognized his deceptive ways - in part because of her familiarity with her own family of frauds and charlatans. She alone was able to expose Esau for what he really was and cause Isaac to see that both roles would be the domain of Jacob - that Jacob would be the sole progenitor of the future Jewish people. Esau had exercised his free will to channel his tendencies toward evil, thereby disqualifying himself from a position in the future nation.

Parshas Toldot should serve as an incentive to us to delve into our own personalities, to better understand our natural tendencies, so that we can develop and channel our unique traits to their most sublime purpose: the perfection of the world through the promotion of Torah and Divine service.

Now: ARUTZ SHEVA/ISRAEL NATIONAL RADIO - Please join us in the LIVE BROADCAST of the Eli Stutz and Yishai Fleisher Show in the "Virtual Studio" room at www.israelnationalradio.com ("Enter Virtual Room" - top left corner of page) or login directly at www.studio.virtualyeshiva.com. Schedule of Virtual Studio live broadcasts at bottom of login page

by Sara Yoheved Rigler

Our children's aptitudes, our attitudes, and the spiritual challenge.

"I'm the world's most relieved mother," Julie told my friend Linda on their way home from a meeting. "For years I've known that my son Avi is ADD, but I couldn't bring myself to give him Ritalin. Then, a few months ago, his school threatened us that either we give him Ritalin or he'd have to transfer to a special school for kids with learning disabilities. We decided that the side-effects of Ritalin are less terrible than the side-effects of being a failure all his life. So we started giving him Ritalin. We can hardly believe the difference. Avi went from being last in his class to being first in his class in six weeks!"

Linda listened intently. When she got home, she phoned me and recounted the conversation. "What do you think I should do?" she asked. "My 10-year-old Benny's a smart kid, but he gets terrible grades. I know that he has an attention deficit, but I've never wanted to pump chemicals into my child. But Julie's statement that the side-effects of failure are worse than the side-effects of Ritalin really got to me."

I had read some of the studies on methylphenidate (marketed under the brand name Ritalin and its longer-lasting versions Concerta and Metadate ER). According to these studies, a varying percentage of children taking methylphenidate evince symptoms of obsessive-compulsive behavior, robotic behavior, nervous habits, insomnia, and depression.

"Have you ever tried alternative strategies," I suggested, "like eliminating sugar from his diet, or making sure he gets more sleep, or using one of those computer programs that retrain brain waves?"

"Are you kidding?" Linda snorted. "I'd have to change the whole family's diet. And I'd have to get him to bed by 8:30, which is almost impossible. And those computer programs are expensive and take months to work, plus they only work if the kid plugs away at them for a half hour every day, which means my nagging him to keep up with it. I'd rather research the Ritalin option."

A few days later, Linda called me again. "We're going to do it!" she exclaimed. "Julie is right. Whatever the side effects, Ritalin is better than a lifetime of failure. I've already made an appointment to see a pediatric neurologist."

I suggested that as part of her research into the matter, she should call Rabbi Leib Kelemen, an expert on child-rearing.

Rabbi Kelemen told Linda that he is not categorically opposed to Ritalin, but he is opposed to using it without first trying the other solutions, such as diet and sleep. He also recommended that she read a book, which he would lend her, that presents both the pros and cons of Ritalin. Then he made two crucial spiritual points:

1. Ritalin really does work and her son would probably zoom to the top of his class, but he would be forever deprived of the struggle to succeed and the personal growth that comes from struggle.
   
2. Children feel like failures only when their parents make them feel like failures. If Linda would redefine her son's success in terms of sterling character traits rather than grades, she would be giving him a ladder he could successfully climb.

The next day, Linda called me again. "The scariest part of this whole thing," she told me, "is that on my way over to pick up the book, I was totally bummed out. I already had euphoric mental images of how much easier my life would become with Benny on Ritalin. The new Benny would listen to me without interrupting, would do his homework without a battle, would study with me without having to get up every five minutes, and would bring home a report card with A's instead of C's and D's. I knew the book would document all the medical and psychological reasons not to give him Ritalin, and I didn't want to hear it!"

FIXING THE CHILD

How could a loving and devoted mother like Linda not want to hear the precautions against giving her son a drug that the Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) has rated as one of those with the most potential for abuse and addiction?

In 2001, almost 10% of American school children and 15-20% of school-aged boys were taking stimulant medication such as Ritalin. In 2003, pharmaceutical companies announced that the total ADHD market in the United States was approximately $1.8 billion, exceeding the national spending for antibiotics and asthma medication for children. From 2002 to 2003, the market for the various forms of methylphenidate grew by 20%.

Yet the Ritalin Rush has triggered some sobering responses. The International Narcotics Control Board (INCB) issued a warning in 1997: "Concerns have been raised that doctors are resorting to methylphenidate as an 'easy' solution for behavioral problems which may have complex causes." Two years later the INCB cautioned: "In the Americas, particularly in the United States, performance enhancing drugs are being given to children to boost school performance or to help them conform to the demands of school life."

As Dr. Peter R. Breggin, a staff psychiatrist at John Hopkins University, has written:

Many more people now understand that something is wrong when society finds it expedient to give psychoactive chemicals to millions of children. They suspect that the diagnosis of ADHD may be little more than an excuse for giving drugs to control children instead of meeting their genuine needs. They believe that our children require improved family, school, and community life rather than psychiatric diagnoses and psychoactive drugs.

...A large, ever-increasing segment of America's children are being subjected to drugs to control their minds and behavior. No such experiment in mass drugging has ever before been attempted in the history of any society or nation. Never before have so many parents been told that their children need psychiatric drug treatment for difficulties at school and in the home. This unprecedented situation is not the result of some inexplicable increase in "mental illness." It is, instead, the result of an increasing failure to identify and to meet the needs of children in our homes, schools, and communities, as well as a growing tendency to seek quick and seemingly easy medical cures to difficult individual and social problems. [Talking Back to Ritalin, pp. 4-5]

This is not to say that no child ever really needs Ritalin. Some children's hyperactivity is so disruptive in the classroom that a medical solution may be indicated.

From a Jewish perspective, however, the point is that behind some of the diagnosis and treatment of ADD is an undiagnosed and untreated syndrome that affects the parents, teachers, physicians and children, namely "The Quick Fix Syndrome."

QUICK FIXES AND THE EASY WAY OUT

Over the last four decades, the modern West has become a pill-popping society. Can't sleep? Pop a pill. Feeling depressed? Pop a pill. Need to be alert to study for exams? Pop a pill. The assumption behind this quick-fix mentality is that no one should ever have to suffer or struggle.

Rabbi Kelemen's answer to Linda represents a different worldview: Struggle builds character, and improving character traits is the very purpose of life in this world.

Real greatness is gauged by struggle and striving. No one earns admiration for dropping from a helicopter onto the top of Mt. Everest. Why? Because the point is not to be at the top, but to get to the top. The man who holds the Guinness record for being the tallest in the world is a curiosity; the man who holds the world-record for the highest pole-vaulting is a champion.

Yet the drive to seek quick solutions and easy answers is a paramount human temptation. The earthly body always seeks repose, while the soul always seeks growth.

Just yesterday, a mother told me that her first-grade daughter has been fidgeting in class. Both the child's teacher and principal recommended putting the little girl on Ritalin "so she'll learn good habits of sitting and paying attention in class." By the time she starts second grade, the educators told her mother, the child would be used to good behavior and could go off the drug.

This replacement of drugs for genuine education is even more dangerous spiritually than it is physically. The unique human faculty of exercising free choice is developed every time a person chooses between right and wrong. A first-grade child exerting her self-control by sitting still in class for five minutes is worth much more than a whole day's drug-induced attentiveness.

For many, Ritalin is regarded as a means to an end: succeeding in school. But even here, in the first grade classroom, the true purpose of life must be clearly discerned and valued. Choosing good, or in this case a brief act of self-discipline, is the goal of life, not learning pages of arithmetic.

Admittedly, it's hard for children to sit still. Our sages assert: "According to the effort is the reward." And what is the reward for that child's effort to control her penchant to squirm around? She will learn that she is capable of choosing self-control, and when she is a teenager tempted with drugs and an adult tempted with stealing from her corporation, she will know that she is in control of her choices. And that's why she-like all of us-is here in this world.

Parents who try the more arduous solutions before resorting to Ritalin also receive a reward: the development of their qualities of patience, forbearance, unconditional love, and moral strength to go against the societal current. A parent who decides, "My child's ethical development is more important to me than a report card I can brag about," has truly scaled a spiritual Mt. Everest.

FAILURE AND SUCCESS

When Rabbi Kelemen told Linda that her children wouldn't feel like failures unless she made them feel like failures, Linda protested, "How can Benny not feel like a failure when he brings home dreadful grades?"

Rabbi Kelemen countered: "Does he help out around the house?"

"Well, yes," Linda answered.

"Is he kind to his siblings?"

"Most of the time."

"Does he come home when you tell him to?"

"Usually."

"Well, then," Rabbi Kelemen concluded, "he has a lot to feel successful about. It's your job to make sure he knows it."

This advice is reminiscent of the fable about the proud archer who brought his friend into the forest and showed him that he had hit the bull's-eye on every tree. "How did you do it?" the friend asked, impressed.

"Simple," the archer answered. "First I shot the arrow, and then I drew the target around it."

While this ruse is a cop-out for adults, it is an essential technique for good parenting. Rather than criticize failure, parents have to praise whatever small good their child accomplishes. The results are two-fold: the child repeats and amplifies the praised behavior, and the child grows in self-confidence, which is a sure-fire prescription for a successful life.

Parents more interested in good children than good grades have to become expert at drawing the target around virtuous actions. He came home from school with a C on his spelling test and a wounded bird he wanted to save? Bull's eye! She can't understand her algebra homework, but she volunteered to take care of the neighbor's baby when the neighbor had to rush out? Bull's eye! The section of his report card grading academic subjects looks dismal, but in deportment and interpersonal behavior he scored high? Bull's eye!

If we parents value good character traits (honesty, kindness, enthusiasm, etc.) more than we value academic success, we will not only raise children who are happy and self-confident, but we'll also be teaching our children what is truly important in life. A child who learns that honesty is more important than grades will never cheat on a test -- or in business later in life. A child who learns that kindness is more important than grades will never make fun of a slow-witted classmate -- or give his job priority over his family later in life.

But, we protest, if my child doesn't get good grades, he won't get into a good college, and his earning potential as an adult will be compromised.

Not necessarily true. Many self-made millionaires did poorly in school, but had the self-confidence to become enterprising entrepreneurs. Behind every successful adult is a parent drawing bull's eyes.

An epidemic is sweeping our society, and it's not ADD or ADHD. It is addiction to ease and a skewed definition of success. And the cure for this epidemic has no dangerous side-effects.

Tonite on Isreal National Radio 11/30/2005

by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin

Creative solutions that will transform the toughest situations.

Click to listen: Dealing with Difficult People

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by Rabbi Avi Geller

The early years of twins Jacob and Esav

Dateline: 1890
Place: Czarist Russia, on the road to Moscow

Speeding along the highway is a handsome carriage drawn by six snow-white stallions. Inside the carriage sits the famous Sir Moses Montefiore, a wealthy English Jew, a Member of British Parliament, and a world-renowned philanthropist.

After hearing of the government-sponsored pogroms in Russia that embittered the lives of thousands of Jews, Montefiore traveled to Moscow to personally intervene with Czar Nicolai to ease the burden on the Jews. Montefiore's emblem, with Hebrew letters, was displayed prominently on both sides of the carriage, causing much consternation among the Russian peasants - chagrined over the fact that such a royal carriage could belong to a Jew.

As the carriage slowed down, a rock hit its side with a loud thud. A young boy at the side of the road screamed at the top of his lungs: "Zhid! Zhid! (Jew! Jew!)" and promptly ran off as fast as he could. Montefiore immediately ordered his driver to stop the carriage and catch the stone-thrower. As the chase went on, Montefiore became very emotional, since this was the first time he had ever been the target of an anti-Semitic act.

When his men caught the culprit, he was brought red-faced before a trembling Montefiore. The boy expected a good thrashing. Instead he got a little lecture translated into Russian. "My boy, I must tell you that I have been called many titles in my career. They call me Lord, Sir, Member of Parliament and distinguished gentleman. However, the title that you called me is the one I am the most proud of. So I sincerely would like to thank you." And with that he released the shocked boy.

The wealth of Montefiore and other financially secure Jews, such as the Rothschild family, saved countless Jews from pogroms and other assorted disasters throughout our long history.

In Parshat Toldot we read of Isaac's plan to give his son Esau the material blessings, so that he could protect and support Jacob who would spend his life in the spiritual realm of Torah study and prayer.

However, our matriarch Rebecca strongly disagreed. She had grown up with the deceitful Laban and had seen what materialism - without spiritual growth - can lead to. She understood that Jacob could not be dependent on Esau for support, but that Jacob must receive material blessings as well. Where would the Jewish people be without the Montefiores and Rothschilds, to help rescue us from difficulty?

Our Parsha is a continuation of the story of Abraham's family: the marriage of Isaac, and the birth of Jacob and Esau. Jacob purchased the "first-bornship" (birthright) from his brother, shrewdly received the blessing from his father, and then fled for his life - as the first "wandering Jew."

THEIR PRAYERS ANSWERED

After 20 years of marriage, Isaac and Rebecca realized that Rebecca was barren and had to pray for a child. The Sages ask, "Why were all the matriarchs barren?" (Even Leah was originally barren, although she had her prayers answered right away.) They reply: Because God, so to speak, desires the prayers of the righteous, and therefore sometimes puts them into rough situations so they will pray. Prayer is like a spaceship, capable of elevating one to endless spiritual growth.

"And Isaac prayed for Rebecca his wife, and God answered his prayers" (Genesis 25:21). The Sages comment that Isaac's prayers were answered over Rebecca's because he was "a righteous person the child of a righteous person," while Rebecca was righteous but had evil parents.

Question: Isn't a Baal Teshuva (repentant) on a higher level than someone who never sinned? Therefore shouldn't Rebecca, having come from a specious background, deserve more credit?

Answer: On one hand, a Baal Teshuva is on a higher level as he has more temptation than one who never transgressed. On the other hand, the merit of righteous ancestors is a big plus for getting prayers answered. Another point is that the patriarchs didn't only follow in their father's footsteps, but each one blazed his own path to God: Abraham excelled in "kindness," Isaac in "strength," and Jacob in "truth."

CONFRONTATION IN THE WOMB

When Rebecca became pregnant, she noticed conflicting feelings inside her womb. The Sages explain that whenever Rebecca passed a Yeshiva, Jacob would push toward the opening as if to say "Let me out!" Whenever she passed by the house of idolatry, Esau would push forward "Let me out!"

Rebecca was not aware that she was carrying twins, and she was concerned: Even more than the fact that her child, a grandson of Abraham, would want to go the house of idolatry, she feared that this same child would be a hypocrite - going back and forth between the study hall and the pool hall.

"She went to inquire of God" (Genesis 25:22). The Sages explain that Rebecca visited the Yeshiva of Shem and Ever. The reason she didn't ask Isaac or Abraham, who were greater prophets, was to spare them the knowledge that their son/grandson would become an idolater.

When Shem and Ever revealed that Rebecca would have twins, and that the older would become subordinate to the younger, she did not tell anyone. This, however, explains her later behavior in helping Jacob (the younger) get the blessings from Isaac.

Classical Question: According to Jewish tradition, a baby in its mother's womb is taught the entire Torah (everything there is to know about living) by an angel, which the baby subsequently forgets right before its birth. (The purpose of this is so we can find truth within ourselves and determine if this was the message the angel taught us or not.) If so, we can understand Esau's wanting to leave the womb, but why would Jacob want to leave that ideal environment?

Answer: One may have the most ideal setting and teacher, but if Esau is your learning partner, you want to get out!

THE BIRTH OF TWINS

Esau emerged first, hairy and with a ruddy complexion. The name Esau means "fully-made," as he was born completely formed.

His brother, however, was holding tightly onto Esau's heel and was called Jacob, which means "in the heel." The Sages explain why Jacob held his brother's heel: When two balls are inserted in a tube and then inverted, the one inserted last (being closer to the opening) exits first. So when Esau (who was conceived last) exited first, Jacob tried to hold him back, claiming, "I'm the real first born!"

The twins were brought up identically and received the same education. Rabbi S.R. Hirsch sees this as a criticism. King Solomon in Proverbs tells us: "Educate a child according to his own way." This means that parents and teachers have to understand the differences of each child and respond accordingly. In their youth, Jacob and Esau shared the same bench, and studied the same subjects. As soon as they matured, each one went his own way. Had Esau been raised differently, the results might have been otherwise.

Jacob was a "straight guy," not inclined to mislead others, and he studied diligently in Yeshiva. Esau, on the other hand, was a hunter. He stealthily stalked his prey, and then pounced on them. This was a skill he acquired in his youth while fooling everyone in Yeshiva!

"Isaac loved Esau as he hunted for his food, while Rebecca loved Jacob" (Genesis 25:28). There is a concept that opposites attract. Isaac was more of an introvert, as opposed to his outgoing father, Abraham. Isaac appreciated the potential of Esau who went out and accomplished things. He hunted for his food and he "hunted" Isaac as well by fooling him about his true essence. Esau would ask pious questions like, "How does one tithe salt?" (which does not require tithing) and other seemingly "frum" questions merely to appear righteous.

Isaac took the greatness of Jacob for granted. Rebecca, however, had grown up with Laban (a bigger crook than Esau) and she wasn't fooled for a minute. She saw right through Esau's bluff. At the same time, Rebecca had never seen the likes of Jacob in her life: perfect character traits and complete diligence! Of course she loved her son Esau as well. But hearing the prophecy that "the younger son will be greater" certainly had an effect.

THE LENTIL SOUP

"Jacob was cooking a lentil soup" (Genesis 25:29). The Sages say that this was the day that Abraham died, and Jacob was preparing these lentils as the mourner's meal for his father. Lentils are round, representing the cycle of life from birth to death. (The custom today is to serve eggs, which are also round.)

Esau came home exhausted from hunting. The Sages say he had dueled Nimrod for the garment of Adam - made by God, and given to Adam in the Garden of Eden.

"Just pour some of that red stuff down my throat," exclaimed Esau.

"Sell me your first-bornship in exchange," Jacob replied. "The first born is the leader of the family. Our grandfather Abraham died today while you were out hunting and didn't even attend the funeral. What if Isaac were to die now and you took over - you'd change the house of Abraham into a hunting lodge! So sell me your first-bornship."

Esau inquired about the obligations of a first-born - who is the High Priest of the Jewish people, and who enters the Holy of Holies on Yom Kippur. If the High Priest forfeits the service even by a wrong intention for one minute, or is not fitting for the position, he dies on the spot.

Esau said, "What do I need the first-bornship for? It will just cause me to die?" So Jacob bought the first-bornship from Esau for a bowl of lentil soup.

After he finished eating, Esau returned home. He didn't argue with Jacob: "You took advantage of my hunger! I changed my mind!" Not a word. "Goodbye and good luck!" Esau belittled the first-bornship. He sold it for a mere bowl of soup.

WANDERINGS OF ISAAC

History repeats itself as another famine hits Canaan. Isaac was prepared to follow in his illustrious father's way and go down to Egypt - but God forbade him from doing so. The Torah tells us that when one animal offering is substituted for another, they both retain their holiness. Since Isaac was designated by his father as a burnt offering (during the famous "Binding of Isaac"), even after the ram was offered in his stead, Isaac still remained holy and therefore could not leave the Land of Israel.

Isaac and Rebecca traveled to Grar, the kingdom of Avimelech (a descendent of the original Avimelech of Abraham's times). Isaac and Rebecca also tried the "brother-sister routine," which seemed to work until the king realized they weren't acting in a brother-sister manner.

Avimelech rebuked Isaac for fooling him and then was forced to grant them royal protection under the penalty of death. This Torah recounts all this to teach us about the social conditions our ancestors had to face. When Isaac prospered financially, the surrounding populace banned him. When they later wanted to make a treaty with him (look how good we are for not killing you!), Isaac cooperated.

Isaac had to quarrel with people over two wells, until they granted him the third well without a fight. They told Isaac: "You dig the well and keep the dirt!", [however] "the water is ours" (Genesis 26:20). Nachmanides sees here a reference to the three Holy Temples, two of which were destroyed and the third which will remain forever.

We see here how the neighbors regarded the different patriarchs: Abraham was a "Prince of God in their midst" (Genesis 23:6), Isaac was discriminated against, and Jacob became the "wandering Jew."

THE BLESSINGS OF ISAAC (A STEP-BY-STEP ACCOUNT)

(1) Esau got married at age 40. (Just like Daddy!) He married Canaanite women (as if he had never heard that the Abrahamic family had an aversion to such marriages), causing his parents much consternation.

(2) Isaac went blind. Some say the smoke of his daughters-in-law's incense of idolatry entered his eyes, causing blindness.

Question: What observant Jew would allow his daughters-in-law to burn incense for idolatry in his own house?

Answer: Obviously they didn't announce that it was for idolatry; rather it was done secretly. Although Rebecca knew about idolatry from her youth, Isaac was extremely sensitive and therefore it caused a physical reaction. Rashi, however, says simply that the purpose of Isaac's blindness was so that Jacob would receive the blessings.

(3) Isaac summoned Esau and requested venison to eat, saying that Esau will then receive the blessings before Isaac dies. Rebecca overheard and summoned Jacob. She informed him of his father's request and ordered him to take Esau's place. (Some say they were identical twins, the only difference being Esau's hairy and Jacob's smooth skin.) Obviously, "straight" Jacob did not approve and feared receiving a curse instead, but Rebecca pulled rank and he had no choice.

(4) Rebecca prepared goat meat (it tastes like venison) and put the goat skins on Jacob's neck and arms, so he would seem hairy like Esau. Jacob entered the tent.

Question: Was Isaac really fooled by Esau's behavior or not?

Answer: Some say he was, and really intended to give the blessings to Esau. Some say he was aware that Jacob was the one growing spiritually, yet he had a reason to give Esau the physical blessings so that he would support and protect Jacob. He intended to save the spiritual blessings for Jacob later.

(5) Jacob addressed his father in a soft tone ("Please arise") and mentioned God's Name. This caused Isaac to become suspicious, and he requested physical contact. He then made the far-reaching observation that "the voice is Jacob's and the hands are Esau's." This means that the main weapon that keeps the Jewish people going is the power of prayer and Torah study.

(6) Isaac smelled Jacob's garment (the original garment God made for Adam) and declared it to be "the smell of the field that God has blessed" (Genesis 27:27). The Sages explain that Isaac smelled the Garden of Eden.

(7) Isaac gave his son a blessing for materialism (believing it to be Esau): "May God give you the dew of Heaven and the fat of the Earth" (Genesis 27:28). Rebecca understood that Jacob could not be dependant on Esau for his physical existence and needed the material blessings as well.

(8) Esau finally arrived. Jacob hid behind the door. The Midrash tells us that Esau would trap a deer and tie it up, then hunt for another one; meanwhile an angel would release the first one. This was to stall for time so that Jacob could receive the blessings.

(9) Esau spoke in his usual rough tone: "Get up, Father, and eat from my venison" (Genesis 27:31). Isaac smelled the smell of Hell and actually felt it opening up before him. He immediately realized his mistake. Instead of being angry at Jacob, however, Isaac said, "May he also be blessed" (Genesis 27:33). Yet Isaac was terribly afraid of the consequences of his mistake. "What did I do? I gave material blessings to Jacob! He's supposed to become dean of the Yeshiva, yet I made him a businessman and warrior!" But Rebecca understood better.

Question: What did Rebecca intend to accomplish with this ruse? It is obvious that the trick would be exposed sooner or later, as soon as Esau arrived. And of what value is a blessing given under false pretenses?

Answer: This was all Rebecca wanted to accomplish. Whenever she would comment to Isaac how Esau was fooling him, Isaac would retort, "You can't fool me! I am a good judge of character." Rebecca wanted to show Isaac that he could indeed be fooled, and not only by an Esau, but even by a straight Jacob using a few goatskins. As soon as Isaac realized this, the wool was removed from his eyes, and he realized that Esau had been fooling him for years. (Rabbi S.R. Hirsch)

(10) Esau cried and begged his father for a blessing. He appreciated that the blessing of Isaac was for all eternity. "At least give me the blessing that you were saving for Jacob!" he demanded. His father replied, "That is a spiritual blessing, Esau, and you have no use for that!" There was no longer a place for Esau's personality in the house of the Jewish people.

(11) Finally, Isaac blessed Esau: "When Jacob goes down, you will be the counterbalance." This means that whenever in history the masses of Jews will violate the Torah and ignore the consequences, Esau will utilize anti-Semitism to castigate Jacob until he repents.

(12) Esau hated Jacob for his trickery and vowed in his heart to murder him as soon as Isaac passed away. (He wouldn't cause his father such pain in his lifetime.) Rebecca was aware, through Divine Inspiration, of Esau's plans and begged Jacob to flee. She advised him to go to her brother Laban, whom Esau would be afraid of starting up with.

(13) Rebecca told Isaac (not "I told you so!"): "I can't take these Canaanite women. If Jacob marries one of them, I would rather die!" Isaac understood and summoned Jacob. He ordered him not to marry a Canaanite. Isaac gave him the spiritual blessing of Abraham that he had been saving for him all along (wholeheartedly confirming that all the blessings are now Jacob's), and told him to go marry the daughters of Laban. Jacob took his leave.

14) Esau now realized that his parents did not approve of his wives. ("How do you like that!") So he went out and married the daughter of Ishmael, in addition to his Canaanite wives. (Of course he didn't divorce the first ones. Don't be too extreme!)

In 1965, I visited the Steipler Gaon, a sage whom people often consulted for medical advice. Since he had heard that I was a psychiatrist, he wanted to find out new developments in medications for mental illnesses. I related to the Gaon whatever I knew about the most recent advances.

"Is anything available that can cure someone from delusions?" he asked. I told the Gaon that delusions were very resistant to treatment, and that while antipsychotic medications could subdue overt psychotic behavior, the delusional thinking itself was difficult to eradicate.

"But what if someone has the delusion that he is the greatest tzaddik in the generation?" the Gaon asked. I could not restrain myself and laughingly replied, "No medication can cure that."

The Gaon shook his head sadly. "Too bad," he said. "That malady is so widespread."

Delusions of any kind are a sign of mental illness. How sick a person must be to consider oneself a tzaddik, and how wise the Talmud was to caution us against developing such delusions!

Today I shall ...
... try to be honest with myself, and even if my behavior is such that people may think I am a tzaddik, I must not allow myself to be deluded.

Daily Lift #853

Kindness Helps You Too

When you do acts of kindness for others, you are really being kind to yourself. Other people will do acts of kindness for you in return. Moreover, the Almighty will reward you for the good that you do for others.

When you behave meanly to people, you are acting against your own best interests, because others will repay you in kind.

Resolve to do at least one act of kindness for someone each day.

(see Vilna Gaon - Proverbs 11:17; Rabbi Pliskin - "Consulting the Wise")

Shabbat, Chapter Twenty-Two, Mishnah Four - Reading for Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Introduction

The first half of this mishnah deals with preserving the coolness or heat of
cooked dishes or water.  The second half deals with someone whose clothes got wet and how she may dry them without transgressing the prohibition of squeezing out the water.

Mishnah Four

1) One may place a cooked dish in a pit for it to be guarded;
2) And good water into foul water for it to be cooled;
a) or cold water in the sun for it to be heated.
3) One whose clothes fell into water on the road may walk in them without
concern.
a) When he reaches the outer courtyard he may spread them out in the sun, but not in sight of the people.

Explanation

Section one:  One can put a cooked dish into the ground in order to protect it from the heat (the ground will keep the dish cool).  The Talmud explains that the point of the mishnah is to teach us that we are not concerned lest she come to fill a hole in the ground, an activity which would be prohibited on Shabbat.

Section two:   If one has a pitcher of good warm water and a larger
container (tub, perhaps) of warm foul water, one may place the pitcher in
the tub so that the good water will cool off.  It is obvious that this is
permitted since this isn't in any way cooking.  The mishnah teaches the
first section to introduce the next clause in which we learn that one can
place a pitcher of cool water in the sun in order for the water to warm up.
Other versions of the mishnah read that one may place a pitcher of cold
water into a larger container of hot water.  The point of the mishnah is to
teach that we are not concerned lest this leads a person to think that it is
permitted to cook on Shabbat.

Section three:  If a person's clothes become wet while walking on the road
on Shabbat, she may not just squeeze the water out of them because squeezing water out of something is prohibited on Shabbat.  The mishnah teaches that she may continue to wear the clothes and if by walking or sitting she causes the water to be squeezed out then it is a by-product of normal activity and it is not forbidden.  Others explain that the mishnah teaches that she need not be concerned lest others think she laundered her clothes on Shabbat.

However, once she reaches the outer courtyard of the city, meaning the first courtyard she finds, she should take off her wet clothes (obviously not if this will leave her naked in public) and she may spread them out so that
they may dry.  She shouldn't spread them out so that others see what she is doing lest others think that she did her laundry on Shabbat.

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Lessons in Truth 22 Cheshvan, 5766 / November 24, 2005 

Day 52 - A Proper Perspective

SEFER SHEM OLAM — Chapter Three: Approaching Mitzvos with Alacrity (cont.) 

It happens often that when a person does some small, good deed, the yetzer hara magnifies it in his eyes, so that his heart will become filled with pride over his own righteousness. In fact, a person should minimize his own accomplishments so that he does not fall prey to the terrible trait of ga’avah (arrogance). 

If a person will take an honest look at his own good deeds, he will find them lacking in many ways; either their details were left incomplete or his intent when performing them was to achieve honor and recognition. Even if some of his good deeds were carried out to perfection, without ulterior motives, of what value are they in comparison to all the good with which Hashem has blessed him throughout his lifetime? 

Midrash Rabbah comments on the words, “All man’s toil is for his mouth” (Koheles 6:7): All of a person’s mitzvos and Torah learning are not sufficient to repay Hashem for the breath which he inhales over a lifetime. Furthermore, if a person will contemplate all the sins which he committed throughout his life and for which he has yet to fully repent, he will find that they far outweigh whatever good he has accomplished. 

Arrogance is a most detestable character flaw, while humility is a most admirable trait. Nevertheless, Rabbi Yehudah Zev Segal would note that humility does not preclude accepting a compliment for a job well done. For example, complimenting a speaker for his having delivered an excellent address will encourage him to speak well in the future. This sort of feeling is healthy and productive, as long as one bears in mind that without siyata diShmaya (Divine assistance) one can accomplish nothing at all in this world, and that inborn talents are a gift from Above, not something in which to take pride. 

Similarly, after performing a mitzvah, it is important to feel joy at having merited to serve Hashem through yet another good deed. For example, if someone has recited the Shemoneh Esrei with proper concentration or has studied Torah for an appreciable amount of time without interruption, it is proper and productive to feel gratified at this accomplishment. Nevertheless, it would be wrong to think, “I’m really special — not many people are capable of doing what I’ve just done.” As the Chofetz Chaim pointed out, one can never be absolutely certain that his deeds are without flaw. Secondly, without Hashem’s help we can accomplish nothing. This is why we begin Shemoneh Esrei with the verse, “Hashem, open my lips, so that my mouth may declare Your praise” (Tehillim 51:17). 

The Chazon Ish added another point: 

People are mistaken in thinking that humility means to think of oneself as an ignorant boor, even when such is surely not the case. Humility means that one realizes his true worth... but he must not seek honor and glory because of it, for this [spiritual accomplishment] is his purpose in life. “If you have studied much Torah, do not take credit for yourself, for that is what you were created to do” (Avos 2:9).

Lessons in Truth 27 Cheshvan, 5766 / November 29, 2005 

Day 57 - Know Your Priorities

SEFER SHEM OLAM — Chapter Four: The Reward of the World to Come (cont.) 

In the time allotted to us on this world, we build our palaces in the World to Come. As the Sages comment on the verse, “And all your sons will be disciples of Hashem” (Yeshayahu 54:13): “Do not read it “your sons” (banayich), but “your builders” (bonayich) (Berachos 64a).1 

King Shlomo said, “The wise among women, each builds her house” (Mishlei 14:1). Metaphorically, a person’s soul is called “his wife,” and his “house” refers to the palace which he builds for himself in the World to Come. With what does the soul build this house? Midrash Mishlei comments: “ ‘...builds her house’ — this refers to Torah.” This teaches us that whoever acquires Torah acquires for himself a dwelling in the World to Come, but whoever does not acquire Torah will not acquire a dwelling in the World to Come. 

If we contemplate our deeds well, we will find that most of our time is spent building our “anteroom” on this world, acquiring a nice home, food and clothing. We are not satisfied to make do with the minimum; rather, we seek to expand and upgrade every detail of our physical existence. Thus, we leave ourselves but a small bit of time for the building of our palace in Heaven, and even this bit is not on a steady basis. Sometimes, a person can go weeks without studying Torah, while his tefillah is mere lip service. What a tragedy! Does one truly expect to live in this anteroom forever? Ultimately, we all must uproot ourselves from this world, and if our Heavenly palace will not have been prepared, we will be forced to take up residence out of the province of the Shechinah (Divine Presence), among the shells (of impurity) and external forces. 

While the Chofetz Chaim wrote, “If we contemplate our deeds...” implying that he, too, was guilty of a warped sense of priorities, his simple lifestyle proved otherwise. His son-in-law, Rabbi Mendel Zaks, wrote: 

He once confided in me, “Until 5655 (1895), I wore a sheepskin coat (the type worn by beggars in those days), but once I achieved prominence, I was afraid of the possibility of chillul Hashem, so I had a peltz made — a cloth coat with fur lining.” Then he told me, with deep admiration and a touch of envy, how Reb Nachum’ke Horodna2 owned a sheepskin peasant’s jacket which he wore on winter days, used as a cover on cold nights, rolled up under his head as a pillow, and used as a basket to haul groceries when necessary... 

The Chofetz Chaim had no silver in his house — no silver Chanukah menorah, spice box or esrog box. The candlesticks used for Shabbos were brass. The only exception was an heirloom silver wine goblet, which he used for Kiddush. 

Benches were used in his home rather than chairs. “So many people can sit on one bench,” the Chofetz Chaim explained. “Two legs hold up the plank, and support several people. Why does each person need four legs?” Other times he elaborated, “G-d’s throne is not complete until Amalek is defeated... How can we sit so royally on grand chairs?” 

The Chofetz Chaim once said that while the Jews languish in exile, Hashem contains His glory, as it were; His Presence is concealed within layer upon layer. It is only fitting, then, that we exercise restraint in our personal lifestyles. 

1. The Talmud interprets the term “sons” as referring to Torah scholars, the true “builders” of the world. It is striking, notes Aruch LaNer (Yevamos 122b), that four tractates end with this teaching:  Their initial letters form the word builders. 

2. A great tzaddik who lived his life as a shamash (attendant) in a shul. As a youth, the Chofetz Chaim traveled to Horodna (Grodno) to observe R’ Nachum’ke’s ways. 

Dedicated L’ilui Nishmas Shimon ben Pinchas z”l

By the Winkler family

Lessons in Truth

28 Cheshvan, 5766 / November 30, 2005

Day 58 - No Guests Allowed

SEFER SHEM OLAM — Chapter Four: The Reward of the World to Come (cont.) 

On this world, even a poor Jew who has no place at all to call his home, existing by going from door to door to beg, will not have to sleep in the street. All Jews are obligated to find him a place where he can at least spend his nights. In the World to Come, however, there is no such thing as “inviting a guest” into one’s own dwelling. Anyone who lacks personal merit to enter Gan Eden will be denied entry. Even a father cannot gain entry for his own son, as Midrash states: “Avraham will not save Yishmael, Yitzchak will not save Eisav.” Thus, whoever will not prepare “food for the road” while he is on this world, will find himself “outside the camp” in the Next World, where he will be vulnerable to harmful spiritual forces. 

Of course, it is well known that ultimately, every Jew is cleansed of his sins and attains a portion in the World to Come according to what he accomplished on this world. Nevertheless, the purifying period which precedes this attainment can be extremely painful. And when this purifying process is over, and he is granted entry to Gan Eden, he will receive exactly what he has built for himself through his Torah and good deeds — nothing more. If he did not build properly, meaning that the Torah knowledge and good deeds which he accumulated are far less than what he could have attained given his abilities, then he will be judged accordingly. His Heavenly abode will lack the glory and luster of others, and this will cause him great, eternal shame. 

We can liken this to a rich man whose fortunes have fallen, reducing him to poverty. Unable to cover his expenses, he has no choice but to sell his palatial home and move into a small, cramped apartment. When people see this and realize what has happened, the rich man feels terribly embarrassed. In the Next World, there is no concept of jealousy. Nevertheless, one who will receive only minimal reward will experience distress over his situation, telling himself: “I was just as qualified as So-and-so. Why didn’t I use my abilities to accomplish more with my life?” 

This is implied in the teaching that in the World to Come, each person will “be burnt by his neighbor’s canopy” (Bava Basra 75a). He will be terribly distressed over his inability to gaze at the brilliant, spiritual light emanating from his neighbor’s Heavenly place — a light which could have been his own had he only made the necessary effort while on this world. 

A wise person will plan for the future and not direct too much of his energies toward the anteroom that is this world. Instead, he will make do with the minimum on this world and focus his thoughts and energies, day in and day out, on acquiring Torah and mitzvos so that the glory of Hashem will shine upon him in his Heavenly abode, forever.

A Lesson A Day 28 Cheshvan, 5766 / November 30, 2005 

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM  

Day 58 – Avoiding Flattery 

Even where it is permissible to speak negatively for a constructive purpose, one must avoid insincere flattery.  It is forbidden to be critical of someone when he is not present, yet demonstrate approval of his behavior in his presence.  If the concern is that the person’s feelings not be hurt, then the solution is to express respect and concern for him as a person, but clear disapproval of his behavior. 

If one is certain that reproof will be ignored, and is therefore prepared to publicize the person’s behavior as an attempt to induce him to change his ways, one must nevertheless approach the sinner first, so as not to be suspected of insincerity. 

In the above case, where it is clear that the person will not be moved by rebuke, one can remove the need for first speaking to him by dispelling any possible suspicions concerning one’s own sincerity.  For example, if one speaks against the perpetrator in public (in the presence of three) rather than speaking to individual members of the community in private, it becomes clear to all that the speaker could not be attempting to gain favor with the perpetrator by showing acceptance of his behavior.  Similarly, if the speaker is known to be zealous and outspoken and would not be suspected of flattery, he could resort to private discussion.  Also, if it is clear to all that the perpetrator is a difficult personality, and publicly criticizing his behavior could be dangerous, then one may speak against him in private without fear of personal suspicion. 

SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON 

A Proper Outlook 

Anyone who sincerely strives to emulate Aharon HaKohen, who loved and pursued peace, must refrain from speaking loshon hora and from accepting as truth the loshon hora related to him by others.1 To accept gossip as truth is to be led along the path of sinas chinam (baseless hatred), quarreling and strife. 

When a person is told that So-and-so has spoken or acted negatively toward him and he accepts this report as fact, he will inevitably quarrel with that person. In the end, the two will become bitter enemies, to the point that each will seek the downfall of the other and will rejoice over the other’s misfortune. 

Now, would the listener react in the way dictated by Torah, all this would not occur, for upon hearing the report, he would think to himself that perhaps the information is entirely false, or at least laced with falsehood in a way that totally alters the true nature of what had occurred. Or, perhaps the speaker had omitted certain key details which, had they been mentioned, would have cast the matter in an entirely different light. As we all know, even a change of nuance can alter a word portrait drastically. 

Would the listener follow the way of Torah, he would seek some source of merit for the alleged perpetrator. Perhaps whatever had been done was committed without intent to harm. Any and all of the above possibilities would preclude ill feeling and ensure that strife not come between the two parties. 

1. As prohibited by the verse, “Do not accept a false report” (Shemos 23:1).

Rambam, Sefer Hamitzvos for 28 Cheshvan, 5766 November 30, 2005

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Tanya for 28 Cheshvan, 5766 November 30, 2005

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Shmiras Haloshon Yomi

22 Cheshvan, 5766 / November 24, 2005

Day 53 – Constructive Listening

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM — Laws of Loshon Hora 6:3-4 

In the previous segment, we learned that we are permitted to listen to loshon hora (without accepting it as fact) if there is something constructive to be gained. The Chofetz Chaim now poses an obvious question: How is this halachah applied in reality? How are you to know, before listening to a report, if the information can be used constructively? 

The Chofetz Chaim offers the following guideline: If it is apparent that the speaker is about to say something negative about someone, then you should interrupt him and ask whether he thinks that there is something constructive to be gained from your hearing this information. If, for example, the person were to reply that the report could be valuable to the success of a business venture on which you are embarking, then you would be permitted to listen (provided that you do not accept it as fact). If it becomes clear that there is no toeless (constructive purpose) in listening, then it is forbidden to hear the report. 

The Chofetz Chaim then discusses another case where one may listen to loshon hora. 

Under normal circumstances, it is forbidden to listen to loshon hora spoken by one’s spouse, just as with any other individual. However, if someone has upset your wife very much and she is having difficulty coping, then you are permitted to help her through this situation by allowing her to unburden herself to you. While she is permitted to relate to you what has transpired, you should tell yourself that in her distress, she may be seeing things as worse than they actually are; you may not accept her words as fact. The Chofetz Chaim states that a primary goal in listening to the report should be to try to explain the situation in a positive light so that she will no longer be angry at the other person. 

Obviously, this is not a carte blanche for husbands and wives to have free-ranging discussions concerning others. We are talking here about serious problems in which one can help one’s spouse overcome distress and make peace with the situation — and with the other party, if possible. 

What if a person mistakenly listens to loshon hora when there is no constructive purpose? Then, says the Chofetz Chaim, he should try to correct his mistake by quickly finding a merit for the person who is being maligned and authoritatively telling it to the speaker. In this way, the listener may succeed in convincing the speaker that he is guilty of misjudgment and that he has no reason to feel ill will towards the subject. 

The Chofetz Chaim offers one more case of listening for a constructive purpose. You meet a friend who is angry about an injustice that was done to him. To your innocent question, “How are you?” he responds with a ferocious tirade against the culprit. As a friend, you have two choices. You can agree wholeheartedly with his complaints, so that his anger will continue to rage. Most probably, he will later rant and rave before another friend and then another … thereby causing the loshon hora to spread further. Or you can listen empathetically without showing approval. Then, when his anger had been defused, you can talk softly to him, calm him down and help him see the situation from a more positive perspective. 

A baal loshon hora (habitual speaker of loshon hora) in this situation will listen to the tirade and fan the flames of baseless hatred, adding to our source of exile. Those who strive to live by the Torah’s requirements in these matters will use their power of persuasion to uproot ill will, increase understanding and love for one’s fellow Jew, and help bring our Redemption one step closer.

Shmiras Haloshon Yomi

27 Cheshvan, 5766 / November 29, 2005

Day 58 - Jumping to Conclusions

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM — Laws of Loshon Hora 7:1-2 

We have learned that if someone says, “This isn’t loshon hora. I would say it right in front of him!” the Torah still classifies the statement as loshon hora and we are not permitted to believe it. 

Now the Chofetz Chaim takes the case one step further. What if the speaker actually does say the loshon hora in front of the other person? For example, Reuven says in Shimon’s presence, “I saw with my own eyes how Shimon cheated on yesterday’s exam.” Shimon responds with silence. Can we interpret his silence as admission of guilt? 

The Chofetz Chaim says that we cannot surmise that the information is true, because there can be a host of reasons why Shimon would stay quiet in such a situation, even if the information were not true. For example, Shimon might reason that people are more likely to believe Reuven’s words which were said about him in his presence, than to believe his denial. Or, he might be silent simply because he wants to avoid conflict. 

The Chofetz Chaim suggests that the person may have chosen to be counted among the “those who suffer insult.”  He is alluding to an important Talmudic teaching (Shabbos 88b): 

“Those who suffer insult but do not insult (in response), who hear their disgrace but do not reply, who perform (God’s will) out of love and are happy in suffering, regarding them the verse states ‘But they who love Him (God) shall be as the sun going forth in its might’ ” (Shoftim 5:31). As the commentators explain, this means that those who bear insult in silence will not be diminished because of this1, while their antagonists will be humbled in the end. 

The Torah demands that we never jump to conclusions, even when matters seem as clear as day. The case of one who is silent in the face of insult is an excellent illustration of this truth. 

1. As the Talmud relates (Chullin 60b), at the time of Creation the moon was as large as the sun but was diminished when it complained that it was not fitting for two luminaries to reign together. The sun, which did not respond to the moon’s complaint, remained unchanged.  

Dedicated L’ilui Nishmas Shimon ben Pinchas z”l

By the Winkler family

Shmiras Haloshon Yomi

28 Cheshvan, 5766 / November 30, 2005

Day 59 - Double Trouble

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM — Laws of Loshon Hora 7:3-4 

The Chofetz Chaim offers another reason why we should not believe loshon hora which is said in our presence. 

When a person speaks loshon hora, he transgresses the negative commandment of “You should not go as a peddler of gossip” (Vayikra19:16), thereby putting himself in the category of a rasha (evil person). As a rasha his words certainly have no credibility, and we may suspect him of lying, exaggerating, and distorting the truth. Furthermore, this wicked individual is telling us negative information about someone who is assumed to be an upstanding, observant Jew! Certainly we should not accept his wicked words as fact. 

If we hear the same negative information from two or more people, we may be more inclined to believe it. This is incorrect, says the Chofetz Chaim, because when wicked people speak wicked words, numbers are meaningless. Even if a dozen people are offering the same derogatory information, it should not be accepted. 

The Chofetz Chaim adds that this halachah (law) applies even when the two speakers are not deemed reshaim (wicked people). For example, suppose two people approach Levi in the street and inform him that Yehuda is planning to ruin his business. If they are telling the truth, then they are actually doing a mitzvah by warning Levi. Nevertheless, Levi can only protect himself on the chance that the report is true; he cannot accept it as fact. 

This is because the testimony of two people has validity only in beis din (rabbinical court). When two people report negative information about someone outside of beis din, they are not restrained by the possibility of being branded as false witnesses, for there can be no such designation outside of beis din. Therefore, their report cannot be accepted as fact. 

If a rumor circulates in a city that a Jew committed a crime, one is not allowed to believe it. This applies also to reports in newspapers or other media sources. In this case, too, if the information is relevant for constructive purposes, one should proceed with appropriate caution. 

However, there are instances in which one may believe negative reports. When an abundance of reports regarding a certain person circulate over a period of time, telling of various sinful acts which he committed, to the point where he is no longer viewed as an observant Jew, then it would be permissible to believe the reports. As the Chofetz Chaim puts it, we are not required to think that the community has made a mistake again and again regarding the same individual.

Loving Kindness

28 Cheshvan, 5766 / November 30, 2005

Day 58 - A Good Name

SEFER AHAVAS CHESED — Part II Chapter XIII 

Of all the assets one can acquire in this world, a good name is perhaps the most valuable. Unlike other valuable assets, however, it is not beyond the average person’s reach. Chesed is the currency by which it is procured. The Mishnah in Avos (4:13) teaches that there are three crowns: the crown of Torah, the crown of priesthood and the crown of kingship. There is one other crown said to “stand above them all,” and that is the crown of a good name. 

What makes a good name so precious? A good name is an asset with great value in Heaven, because one who bears this crown upon his head is one whose deeds and character bring glory to Hashem. The beauty of his presence inspires others. They try to emulate him, and in doing so, they increase their own measure of goodness. All these positive effects are credited to the person who inspired them, and therefore, the Sages say: “Who is destined for the Garden of Eden? One about whom you hear people saying as he passes, ‘That is the way. Go in it’ ” (Shabbos 153a). 

The Chofetz Chaim cites further proof of a good name’s priceless value: “More choice is a good name than great riches” (Mishlei 22:1). The person who is known as the one to turn to in times of trouble, as one always willing to lend a hand, is the person with the good name. The Chofetz Chaim points out that all the money in a wealthy man’s account is worthless if he is not willing to use it to help others. It accomplishes nothing of value in this world. In fact, his money actually works to his detriment, for he will be required to answer in Heaven for his refusal to properly invest the money Hashem entrusted to him. 

The fact that a person possesses more than he needs to live is proof, says the Chofetz Chaim, that he bears the responsibility to take care of others. He illustrates this principle through an allegory of the Alshich: A father has several sons, all of whom he loves dearly. In his old age, he wishes to turn his money over to his children to administer. One son, he knows, is far more responsible and business minded than the others; therefore, he gives that son the money. He does this not so that one son should have everything and the others nothing, but so that all the sons will be well provided for. The son who receives the money is a trustee; he would be greatly misinterpreting his father’s intentions if he kept all the money for himself. 

The Alshich says this concept is reflected in the verse (Shemos 22:24), “When you lend money to My people, the poor person with you,” meaning what the poor person needs is with you, in your possession. It is for that purpose alone that the wealthy person has been given his money. 

One who wisely administers his Father’s estate to the benefit of all His children is a person others love, respect and admire. His name is golden, thus, he wears the crown. 

Step by Step 

There are people I know who I would describe as wearing the “crown of a good name.” Today I will think about one such person’s attributes, and resolve to emulate that person in some way.

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10:00 pm EST "Tovia Singer Show," broadcasting live from our Virtual Studio on Arutz-7: Israel National Radio,featuring evocative guests on topics ranging from politics to religion, while focusing on truth and balance in the media, in the "Israel Radio Virtual Studio." 2 hours.

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10:00 pm EST "Tovia Singer Show," broadcasting live from our Virtual Studio on Arutz-7: Israel National Radio,featuring evocative guests on topics ranging from politics to religion, while focusing on truth and balance in the media, in the "Israel Radio Virtual Studio." 2 hours.

Midnight EST, "Tovia and Tamar Show," broadcasting live from our Virtual Studio on Arutz-7: Israel National Radio, featuring topics ranging from politics to religion with Rabbi Tovia Singer and Senior News Correspondent for Israel National Radio, Tamar Yonah in the "Israel Radio Virtual Studio." 1 hour.

Parashat Toldot (Gen. 25:19-28:9), for Dec. 3, 2005

Study this week's parasha with Baruch Sienna 
  
We should be careful thatour actions 'say' what we mean.
 

Study with Baruch Sienna
 

This year's cycle of weekly Parasha study explores what connections and insight we can find by examining the Torah portion together with the Haftarah.
 
 

OUR HAFTARAH TEXT

Give honour to My name.
If you do not listen,
if you do not take it to heart,
says the God of heaven's hosts,
I will send a curse upon you,
and turn your blessings to curses.
In fact, I have [already] turned them into curses,
because you do not take it to heart.
Malachi 2:2
 
 

INTRODUCTION & CONNECTION
In this week's Haftarah, God reminds the Israelites that though Jacob and Esau are brothers, God only loves Jacob (and shows favour to the Jewish people). The prophet therefore criticizes the Israelites for their lackluster performance of the Temple sacrificial service. In the Torah portion, the relationship of children to their father is emphasized. The Haftarah asks, why do the Israelites not honour God like a parent? In Genesis, hands (disguised by animal skins) offer the father a prepared meal; the prophet says that God will not accept an offering "from your hands." The Hebrew words for spurn (bozei, vayivzeh both from the Hebrew root: b.z.h.) are used to describe how the Israelites spurn God through improper sacrifices (Malachi 1:6,7) just like Esau spurned his birthright (Gen. 25:34). God wants the service of the heart.

HISTORICAL/BIOGRAPHICAL NOTE
Malachi, which simply means 'My messenger,' is more of a title, than an actual personal name. The anonymous individual we call Malachi was the last of the prophets, and lived in the middle of the 5th century B.C.E. before the reforms of Ezra and Nehemia. (Some sources in fact identify him as Ezra.) At that time, Judea was still a province of Persia. While it seems that he lived at a time when the Temple had been rebuilt (515 B.C.E.) religious performance was perfunctory. Malachi calls for a religious revival.

OUR COMMENTARY
Isaac and Rebecca have twins: Jacob and Esau. Esau and Jacob are the opposite of identical twins. In the ancient world, twins were often depicted as the two complementary halves of a complete personality. This is what we find here: Esau is the active, physical individual, a hunter who loves the outdoors. Jacob, on the other hand is portrayed as a gentle, cerebral soul who stays inside. Both however, are to become the father of a people. Esau was born covered with red hair, (adom in Hebrew means red; hair is se'ir). Esau is therefore linked through this wordplay to the two names of the land of Edom, or Seir and is considered to be the father of the Edomites (Gen. 36:1). Like the name Israel, Edom can refer to the individual (Esau) or the people (the Edomites) or the land. The land of Edom, in what is now present day Jordan, often appears red (think of the red rock of Petra). The sibling rivalry in the Genesis narrative foreshadows the enmity between the Edomites and the Israelites. The Edomites were displaced by the Nabateans, and in rabbinic times, the term 'Edom' came to represent Rome, and then later Christianity. Jacob and Esau become therefore, the archetypes for the Jew and non-Jew respectively.

The prophet begins his address by reminding Israel of God's preferred relationship to Jacob over Esau, but then berates the Israelites for their cavalier attitude to God's service. He warns them that the blessings God has promised could in fact become curses. Blessings and curses are a theme which appear in the Torah portion since Jacob initially fears that in trying to steal his brother's blessing, he will be cursed instead. And Isaac's blessing to Jacob echoes the blessing that God previously gave to Abraham, that "Cursed by they who curse you, Blessed they who bless you" (Gen. 27:29). God's very blessings, and the special relationship with God enjoyed by the Israelites, are at risk.

The prophets often admonish the Israelites for offering sacrifices while engaging in corrupt behaviour. In future columns we will see that God instead delights in kindness, justice and righteousness; God does not even want sacrifices (Jeremiah 7:22-3). But here, we have a slightly different message. In our passage the prophet is not complaining of social injustice or the Israelites' moral failings. He is not even making the [legitimate] point that ritual observance also requires kavannah, proper intent. All that is for another time. Instead, the point being stressed here is that ritual acts, if they are to be done, need to be performed properly.

The Israelites 'lame' offerings God will not accept, but surprisingly, incense and pure sacrifices offered to God's name "from the setting of the sun to its setting among the nations" are acceptable. Abravanel comments:

You should have learnt from the ways of the nations. Though they have not been vouchsafed the light of the Torah... they magnify and exalt God and perform the most pure sacrifice that they themselves are capable of doing according to their lights.

This is one of the challenges of Judaism. Judaism is a skill-based religion, and ritual observance often requires a minimum of technical expertise. We all know of individuals (and even Jewish institutions that should know better) performing Jewish ritual in a sloppy manner: putting up a mezzuzah incorrectly, (or even without the parchment!). They may have sincere intent. But just like the Israelites sent a clear message that they didn't really take their relationship with God seriously in the way they performed the Temple rituals, we communicate how we feel about our Judaism by the effort and care we put into our actions.

When Jacob resorts to the subterfuge of disguising himself with animal skins, Isaac says: "The voice is the voice of Jacob, yet the hands are the hands of Esau" (Gen. 27:22). One interpretation of this verse is that it refers to hypocrites who say one thing with their mouths but do something else with their hands. Judaism has always stressed action over belief: deed, not creed. We have to 'walk our talk.' Since actions speak louder than words, we should be careful that our actions 'say' what we mean.

Shabbat Shalom

Shabbat, Chapter Twenty-Two, Mishnah Three - Reading for Tuesday November 29, 2005

Introduction
This mishnah teaches that one may break open a container to get food out of it, but one may not break open the container in such a way that the
container becomes a vessel.  Making a vessel is prohibited on Shabbat but
ruining vessels is permitted, so long as there is a purpose to ruining them,
like getting the food out.

Mishnah Three

1) A man may break open a cask in order to eat dried figs from it, provided
that he does not intend to make the cask into a vessel.
2) And one may not perforate the stopper of a cask, the words of Rabbi
Judah.
a) But the sages permit it.
3) And one may not pierce it at its side;
4) And if it is already perforated one may not place wax upon it, because he smoothes it out.
a) Rabbi Judah said: a case came before Rabbi Yohanan ben Zakkai in Arav and he said, "I fear [that he may be liable] to a sin-offering."

Explanation

Section one:  Since breaking the ceramic cask ruins it, she may break it
open in order to get out the figs (or whatever else may be inside).
However, she may not break it open and leave a nice opening in such a way that the cask becomes a vessel.

Section two:  Rabbi Judah holds that one may not perforate the ceramic
stopper which is on the top of a cask because that is considered making a
vessel.  What she should do is remove the stopper altogether.  The sages
allow it because this is not a normal way of making a vessel.

Section three:   All agree that one cannot pierce it at its side.  In the Talmud there is a debate whether this refers to the side of the cask or the
side of the stopper.

Section four:  If the cask stopper is already perforated she may not spread
wax upon it in order to close it up.  The problem is that when she pours wax she will also need to smooth it out.  The rabbis thought that smoothing out wax was like "erasing" which is prohibited.  Rabbi Judah relates a case where a person who perforated a cask stopper at its side came in front of R. Yohanan ben Zakai and R. Yohanan said that he might be obligated to bring a sin-offering for having unwittingly transgressed Shabbat.

Shabbat, Chapter Twenty-Two, Mishnah Three - Reading for Tuesday November 29, 2005

Introduction
This mishnah teaches that one may break open a container to get food out of it, but one may not break open the container in such a way that the
container becomes a vessel.  Making a vessel is prohibited on Shabbat but
ruining vessels is permitted, so long as there is a purpose to ruining them,
like getting the food out.

Mishnah Three

1) A man may break open a cask in order to eat dried figs from it, provided
that he does not intend to make the cask into a vessel.
2) And one may not perforate the stopper of a cask, the words of Rabbi
Judah.
a) But the sages permit it.
3) And one may not pierce it at its side;
4) And if it is already perforated one may not place wax upon it, because he smoothes it out.
a) Rabbi Judah said: a case came before Rabbi Yohanan ben Zakkai in Arav and he said, "I fear [that he may be liable] to a sin-offering."

Explanation

Section one:  Since breaking the ceramic cask ruins it, she may break it
open in order to get out the figs (or whatever else may be inside).
However, she may not break it open and leave a nice opening in such a way that the cask becomes a vessel.

Section two:  Rabbi Judah holds that one may not perforate the ceramic
stopper which is on the top of a cask because that is considered making a
vessel.  What she should do is remove the stopper altogether.  The sages
allow it because this is not a normal way of making a vessel.

Section three:   All agree that one cannot pierce it at its side.  In the Talmud there is a debate whether this refers to the side of the cask or the
side of the stopper.

Section four:  If the cask stopper is already perforated she may not spread
wax upon it in order to close it up.  The problem is that when she pours wax she will also need to smooth it out.  The rabbis thought that smoothing out wax was like "erasing" which is prohibited.  Rabbi Judah relates a case where a person who perforated a cask stopper at its side came in front of R. Yohanan ben Zakai and R. Yohanan said that he might be obligated to bring a sin-offering for having unwittingly transgressed Shabbat.

Instantaneous-ism

One year goes by and Joe is waiting to say something. Finally, he is approached by the head monk who invites him to speak. "Bed hard," Joe says deliberately. To his pleasant surprise, the next day a new bed has been delivered to Joe's room.

Another year goes by. Joe is doing everything to control himself and abide by the "no speak" rule. Then the magic moment arrives; he's invited to say two words. "Food salty," says Joe. The next day, Joe is served special low-sodium meals.

Another year goes by. Joe decides he can't take it anymore. He wants to return to his life in the workaday world. The monk approaches and invites him to speak. "I quit," says Joe.

"I'm not surprised," says the monk. "You've been complaining ever since you got here!"

BROTHERLY BUSINESS

Of all types of sibling rivalry, probably the most intense is with twin boys. Jacob and Esau, the twin sons of Isaac and Rebecca, began struggling even inside the womb! At birth, they fought to see who would get out first. And they grew up vying for the attention of their father Isaac -to see who would inherit the mantle of Jewish leadership.

The Torah (Genesis 25:29-34) describes a pivotal incident:

"One day Jacob was cooking lentil stew, and Esav came in hungry from the field. Esav declared, 'I'm famished. I beg you to feed me that red stew!' Jacob said, 'In exchange, sell me your birthright.' Esav said, 'Behold, I am dying, so what good is this birthright anyway?!' So Esav agreed to sell the birthright. Jacob gave him bread and lentil stew. Esav ate and drank, and went on his way, despising the birthright."

An obvious question: Why would Jacob take such unfair advantage of his hungry brother?

There was no unfair advantage because Esav didn't want the birthright in the first place. The birthright primarily entailed spiritual, rather than material, wealth. And in addition to the birthright privileges, there came many responsibilities as well, such as being a role model for the Jewish nation. Esav wanted the easy life; he wasn't looking for more responsibility! That's why the Torah says that he "despised the birthright."

But this doesn't really answer the question. If Esav was in fact starving to death, then how could Jacob have coerced him into a deal? Jewish law clearly states that a person is not bound by agreements made under the threat of life-and-death!

The answer is revealed by a careful reading of verses: "Jacob gave him bread and lentil stew." Jacob first gave Esav bread, so that he would satisfy his urgent hunger and be removed from the status of "starving to death." Only then did Jacob given him the lentil stew, which Esav - by accepting it - sealed the deal, fair and square.

I WANT IT NOW

On a deeper level, there is another way to understand Esav's statement, "I'm going to die anyway." Esav is revealing his philosophy of life: "The world begins when I'm born, and ends when I die. So who needs to be concerned about intangibles like a 'spiritual birthright'? I'll take the stew now and be happy!" In fact, the Midrash says that after consummating the deal, Esau actually mocked Jacob's stupidity. "I got a hot bowl of soup and you got some abstract future reward!" laughed Esau.

Esau is a man driven by physical desire. His concern is only with the here and now. He demands instant gratification. He seeks physical pleasure and comfort, because for him, the pleasures of the body are all there is in life. This is reflected through his actions:

1. Esau says "feed me that red stew." He is so hedonistic that he doesn't even want to expend the effort of lifting the bowl himself. "Just pour it down my throat," he tells Jacob.
   
   
   
   
   
2. Esau refers to the stew as "red stuff." He is attracted to its bright, colorful packaging. The inner content is less important; he likes the way it looks from a superficial, sensual perspective.
   
   
   
   
   
3. Esav is so stricken by desires that he is even willing to consume nearly-raw lentil stew. "Na" means half cooked (as in Exodus 12:9), yet Esav has to have it NOW! (source: "Me'am Loaz " - Genesis 25:30)

SIGNS OF MATURITY

Every human being is comprised of two components - the physical (body) and the spiritual (soul). Each part needs to be nourished and sustained, yet each achieves this through very different means. The body seeks comfort and immediate gratification: food, sleep, money, sex. The soul seeks longer-lasting, eternal pleasures: meaning, love, good deeds, connection to God.

The Talmud says: "Who is the wise person? He who sees the future." This ability to consider our long-term, spiritual consequences is what distinguishes the mature from the immature. A child cannot predict that eating 20 pieces of candy now will lead to a stomach ache later. A college student may not see that promiscuity can lead to life-threatening disease. Or a father may not see that working overtime can lead to irreparable disconnection from his wife and children.

The Jewish patriarchs might have been known as "Abraham, Isaac and Esau." But alas, Esau lost the struggle between body and soul. So instead, for thousands of years and until today, millions of Jews pray to the God of "Abraham, Isaac and Jacob."

SOUL FOOD

Today, each of us is fighting Esau's battle. Body versus Soul. The multi-billion-dollar media machine is constantly enticing us to buy into the lifestyle of "Instantaneous-ism." Between fast-food restaurants, disposable cameras and on-line banking, we have become accustomed to a world where immediacy is the norm. And the effect is that we've lost our sense of perspective.

Marketing experts are shrewd. They don't want us to grow up. They want us to remain childish in our demand for toys and games and instant fun. Because if we were to mature, our impulsive, ego-driven buying would be greatly curtailed!

To win the battle, we must be pro-active in undertaking spiritual activities. Something as simple as saying a blessing over our food turns a "physical" act into a spiritual experience. We put our actions into context, and reflect on the deeper aspect behind the food. The mere fact that we pause is a counter-balance to the instantaneous urge.

Rabbi Alexander Ziskind (19^th century Europe) had the custom to break the Yom Kippur fast each year with bony fish. Why? Because this way he was forced to eat slowly and not gorge the food. In the throes of hunger, the rabbi was determined that his soul maintain control over his body.

It is one's ability to moderate (not squelch, but curb) the body's needs that gives us the freedom to pursue the needs of the soul. Because when all is said and done, our lives are only as good as the soul we've nurtured.

Next time you're at a funeral, listen closely to the eulogy: he was a devoted parent, he donated money to help build a hospital, he cared for others, and he was loyal to his faith. You will never hear about what kind of car he drove, how many different restaurants he tried, or how much money he shrewdly invested. At that moment of everlasting truth, there is no question what is truly important.

CHANGE OF MIND

Now we can understand more deeply why Esau "went on his way, despising the birthright." Subconsciously Esau knew he sabotaged his own potential for greatness. And now in order to alleviate his guilt, he rationalized: "I didn't want that lousy birthright, anyway!"

The Midrash says that years later, as Esau grew older, he began to reconnect with his inner voice and gain more clarity about his priorities. So Esau decided to go to Jacob with an offer to renegotiate the birthright. What was the offer? Esau was willing to part with all his wealth, in order to gain a share in the eternity of the Jewish people! What a dramatic turnaround!

Alas, the Midrash continues: When Esau's children heard he was planning to buy something as intangible as a spiritual connection, they promptly put a stop to his plans. "Forget it, Dad," they said, "We're not letting you spend our inheritance money!"

Understandably, Esau was disappointed in his children's attitude. And then he realized where they'd learned it from...

THINK TWICE

The Midrash concludes that upon his death, Esau's head rolled into the Tomb of the Patriarchs, where it was buried along with Abraham, Sarah, Isaac and Rebecca. Esau was not evil; he was just confused. His head was worthy of burial with the founders of the Jewish people. The desires of his body, however, proved to be his undoing. It caused him to be cut off from eternity.

What is the lesson for us today? Keep your eye on the ball. Acquire wisdom. Know exactly what you're living for. Keep your material desires in check. Beware of the "instantaneous" thrill.

This takes concentration and effort. Our actions today, and the choices we make, affect not only our own lives, but influence generations to come. The bottom line: know when to walk away from an "attractive deal" that may haunt you for a lifetime ... and beyond.

by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir, Business Ethics Center of Jerusalem

How much should I tell a date?

Q. Do the principles of "truth in advertising" apply in dating as well?

A. In an earlier column we pointed out that in many ways the "marriage market" is similar to other markets. To some extent everyone is trying to "sell" him or herself; eligible men and women are permitted and even encouraged to put their best foot forward, but they have to eschew any deceptive practices. Indeed, the basic principles of truth in dating are parallel to those in truth in advertising, and often the Jewish legal tradition learns one from the other.

One rule of fair selling is that a deficiency that can be considered an actual defect must be disclosed to the buyer before the sale is closed. (The exact timing of the disclosure requires some judgment. It is permissible to delay disclosure a short time so as to arouse the customer's interest before pointing out a defect, but it is acting in bad faith to wait so long that time is wasted in pointless negotiation over an ultimately unsatisfactory deal.) A normal deficiency doesn't need to be actively exposed, but may not be concealed. For example, if you are selling a used car and the brakes are bad, you have to be up-front with the customer. If there is a little rust in the body, you don't have to point this out since most old cars have some, but you shouldn't paint it over to hide it.

The overall idea behind these laws is that in a business deal, each party is free to pursue his or her own interest, but is not allowed to mislead or take advantage of the other side.

Some legal works draw a parallel to dating. For example, a person is obligated to reveal a serious disease, but a healthy person who requires a stringent diet doesn't have to tell a prospective suitor. (1) The idea behind this parallel is that marriage is also to some extent a kind of business deal, in which each partner agrees to undertake specific obligations and is in turn entitled to a variety of rights. The section of the Code of Jewish Law devoted to marriage laws is filled with a detailed enumeration of these obligations, and an important part of the Jewish marriage ceremony is the reading of the ketubah, or marriage contract, which spells out many of the husband's obligations to the wife, including the responsibility to support her, to esteem her, and so on.

The idea of marriage as a standard contract, with standard obligations, still has an important message. Surveys show that despite changing roles in marriage, certain basic expectations have not changed; in particular, even very successful women generally expect their husbands to be able to support them if necessary, and most men expect that their wives will be willing to stay home with the children during the most critical period. Today it's even important to remind people that marriage implies obligations!

However, we have to acknowledge that most people marrying today are at least as interested in a relationship of trust and openness as they are in having the spouse fill some specific set of obligations. Therefore, anything that interferes with such a relationship is in itself an obstacle to domestic harmony. To go back to our previous example, a wife who expects that her husband will provide her with a certain standard of living and will love and respect her is not being cheated if he doesn't reveal that he needs a special diet. But today, a wife may feel that the very fact that her fianc? didn't reveal his special need is in itself a breach of trust, and this feeling of lack of trust may undermine the quality of the marital relationship for both partners.

So I think that today the most ethical policy is: anything that will become known after the wedding, should be revealed before the wedding. Any other policy is likely to lead to feelings of resentment and to sapping the reservoir of trust that sustains a successful marriage.

That doesn't mean that couples have to reveal everything. Getting married doesn't mean giving up your right to privacy, and married people are certainly entitled to keep some things to their selves. Indeed, sometimes people err on the side of making dramatic revelations that are really irrelevant to the couple's future but cause worry to the partner. But any substantive quality that is going to come to light, should in general be revealed to a prospective partner at an appropriate stage of the developing relationship.

We like to draw parallels between marriage and other relationships in our life; we talk of the "marriage market" or the "dating game". But a successful marriage today is neither a game nor a business deal, but rather a deep relationship of trust and respect. Dating can be fun and adventurous, but ultimately it has to be structured so that it can lead to a serious and permanent commitment.

SOURCES: (1) See Hanisuin Kehilkhatam 3:13.

by Rabbi Ari Kahn

Esau

Parshat Toldot tells the tale of the two children born to Isaac and Rebecca, Esau and Jacob.

The Jewish tradition teaches much about the greatness of Jacob, who is known also by his other name Israel. Jacob is the symbol of fidelity to God, the symbol of goodness. Our entire people have assumed his identity.

But his brother Esau is seen as a demonic character. The very name Esau evokes images of mayhem and bloodshed. Though his midrashic reputation is unchallenged, when one reads the biblical text, one wonders if he really deserves it.

We know that Esau was a hunter, an occupation that, despite any ominous overtones, is not intrinsically evil. Perhaps it is the comparison with Jacob that has put Esau in a poor light, though does that alone justify the deep enmity for Esau transmitted across millennia?

We might claim that only due to his descendants -- most notably Amalek -- has Esau earned his inauspicious reputation. Alternatively, we may assume that the actions and attitudes of his descendants helped form the midrashic reading of the texts.

THE EVIL OF ESAU

Be that as it may, the text does provide a few hints regarding the evil of Esau and its origins:

And the first came out red, all over like a hairy garment; and they called his name Esau. And after that came his brother out, and his hand took hold on Esau"s heel; and his name was called Jacob; and Isaac was sixty years old when she bore them. And the boys grew; and Esau was a skilful hunter, a man of the field; and Jacob was a quiet man, living in tents. And Isaac loved Esau, because he ate of his venison; but Rebecca loved Jacob. And Jacob cooked pottage; and Esau came from the field, and he was famished. And Esau said to Jacob, "Feed me, I beg you, with that same red pottage; for I am famished." Therefore was his name called Edom. And Jacob said, "Sell me this day your birthright." And Esau said, "Behold, I am at the point of death; and what profit shall this birthright do to me?" (Genesis 25:25-32)

The description of Esau at birth, all red, probably covered with blood, seems to foreshadow the subsequent scene: Esau comes in covered in blood from the field ravenous after a day of hunting. The scene has premonitions of death. Indeed, after a day of killing, Esau comes home speaking of death.

And Esau said, "Behold, I am at the point of death; and what profit shall this birthright do to me?"

The Sages sense yet another aspect of death.

Another explanation is that Esau did not break loose so long as he (Abraham) was alive ... How do we know that Esau did not break loose while he was alive? Because it says, And Esau came in from the field and he was faint. It has been taught [in connection with this] that that was the day on which Abraham our Father died, and Jacob our Father made a broth of lentils to comfort his father Isaac. Why was it of lentils? In the West they say in the name of Rabbah ben Mari: "Just as the lentil has no mouth, so the mourner has no mouth [i.e., is speechless]." (Baba Batra 16b)

Abraham had died that day. God, in His infinite kindness, did not wish for Abraham to witness the recalcitrance of his grandson. Thus, death is in the air and Esau has death on his mind. The Midrash adds yet another angle to this talk of death: Abraham's old nemesis.¹ Nimrod was pursuing Esau.

Another interpretation is that Nimrod was seeking to slay him on account of the garment which had belonged to Adam [and which Esau now possessed], for whenever he put it on and went out into the field, all the beasts and birds in the world would come and flock around him. (Midrash Rabbah - Bereishit 65:16)

The connection between Nimrod and Esau and the garment of Adam needs to be explored.

THE NIMROD CONNECTION

Nimrod is introduced as the personification of rebellion against God -- his very name implies rebellion. The Zohar connects both of these themes:

Truly he [Esau] was a man of might, because he was clad in the garments of Adam and was able by means of them to lay snares for people and beguile them. Rabbi Eleazar said: "Nimrod used to entice people into idolatrous worship by means of those garments, which enabled him to conquer the world and proclaim himself its ruler, so that people offered him worship. He was called 'Nimrod,' for the reason that he rebelled against the most high King above, against the higher angels and against the lower angels." (Zohar, Bereishit, Section 1, Page 74a)

The source Nimrod's rebellion is somehow connected with the garments of Adam. These garments are themselves a symbol of Adam's sedition and the cause of all death in the world. Nimrod is attracted to these clothes and inspired by them, as is Esau at a later date.

According to another Midrash, Nimrod died that day at the hands of Esau!

Rav Tanchuma said, "The two grew up, one on the path of life, the other on the path of death ... Jacob embarked on the path of life for he sat in the tents and involved himself in Torah his entire day. Esau followed the path of death, for he killed Nimrod..." (Pirkei D'Rebbi Eliezer chapter 31)

While Abraham is alive both boys follow similar paths.² Abraham's death unleashes within Esau a murderous rage and a preoccupation with death. Apparently, during Abraham's lifetime as a child, sitting on Abraham's lap and hearing the tales of Abraham's belief in God and the futility of the pagan gods and the pagan way of life, Esau was able to hold that odious side of himself in check.

It does not seem a coincidence that with Abraham's death, Esau seeks out Nimrod and challenges him at his own game. The object of his desire is the garment of Adam and Eve, the symbol of man's failure, the symbol of the futility of man's actions, the symbol of death. The great loving Abraham had died; Nimrod, too, will die, as will Esau himself -- and all men.

The philosophical problem of theodicy tormented the mind of Esau. The unfathomable ways of God brought Esau to seek a pact with evil, and death.

And Esau said: Behold, I am at the point to die (ib. 32). Resh Lakish said: "He began to revile and blaspheme as it is not written, What is [the birthright] to me, but, What is this to me? He denied Him of whom it is written, 'This is my God.'(Exodus 15:2). (Midrash Rabbah - Bereishit 63:13)

THE DESPAIR OF ABRAHAM

The Midrash actually records the antecedents of such an approach within Abraham himself, as he contemplates his own death:

Then I said in my heart: as it happens to the fool, so will it happen even to me. (Ecclesiastes 2:15). "I have been called 'king' and the wicked Nimrod is called 'king'. Both alike died; in that case, why was I then more wise? Why did I [Abraham] jeopardize my life for the sanctification of the name of the Holy One, blessed be He, and warn people, saying, 'There is no God like Him among those above or below'? Then I said further, For there is no remembrance of the wise man together with the fool for ever, seeing that in the days to come all will long ago have been forgotten. Why [should he have said so]? When adversity befalls Israel they cry, Remember Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, Thy servants (Exodus 32:13); but do the heathen nations [in their distress] cry, 'Remember the deeds of Nimrod'? That is what is written, So how shall the wise man die even as the fool!" (Midrash Rabbah - Kohelet 2:16)

Esau identifies with this articulation of despair more than any other "teaching" of Abraham. In this soliloquy, Abraham concerned himself with the world-view of the simple man, and not only the philosopher, and therefore considered the world from a superficial perspective. Abraham was worried that due to the human condition, with death in the world, he and his teachings would soon be forgotten, his deeds dissipated like so many other passing trends. Realistically, without Abraham, the world stood a serious chance of becoming a dark and ugly place again, sliding back into the dark age from which it had emerged. Indeed, on the day that Abraham dies, all hell breaks loose:

Rabbi Johanan said: "That wicked [Esau] committed five sins on that day. He dishonored a betrothed maiden, he committed a murder, he denied God, he denied the resurrection of the dead, and he spurned the birthright." (Baba Batra 16b)

The concept of resurrection, which his father Isaac had all but experienced, could have provided Esau with the hope he needed to continue in his fathers' path. Yet this concept, this comfort, eluded his tortured mind. Ironically, Esau with his philosophy of despair, helps extinguish the light of Abraham which had shone so brightly up to that very day.

THE FATAL FLAW

This "fatal flaw" of Esau seems consistent with other things we know of him and his actions. Esau seems to have been a superficial man, interested in the "clothes" but not the substance beneath. When his parents express their contempt for his choice of brides, Esau, the son so concerned with his filial responsibilities, obeys the command and takes new wives, but neglecting to distance himself from the evil woman whom he had already wed.

And Esau was forty years old when he married Judith the daughter of Beeri the Hittite, and Bos'mat the daughter of Elon the Hittite. And they made life bitter for Isaac and for Rebecca. (Genesis 26:34-35)

And Rebecca said to Isaac, "I am weary of my life because of the daughters of Het; if Jacob takes a wife of the daughters of Het, such as these who are of the daughters of the land, what good shall my life be to me?" (Genesis 27:46)

And Esau saw that the daughters of Canaan displeased Isaac his father. Then Esau went to Ishmael, and took, besides the wives he had, Mahalath the daughter of Ishmael, Abraham's son, the sister of Nevayot, to be his wife. (Genesis 28:8-9)

This action speaks volumes of Esau, myopically adhering to the letter of the law while abusing the spirit of the law. Only a superficial individual would even have the audacity to conduct himself in such a manner. It is likewise fascinating that of the entire population of the land he marries Hittites, who are remembered for selling the cave where Sarah and Abraham are interred. Perhaps this is another indication of Esau's obsession with death.

TWO RED-HEADS

The source of Esau's problems seem to date back to his birth, his ruddy pigmentation sending an ominous, chilling message to all who saw him.

But the Sages tell us of another individual who was born with a similar exterior -- King David:

And Samuel said to Jesse, "Are these all your children?" And he said, "There remains still the youngest, and, behold, he keeps the sheep." And Samuel said to Jesse, "Send and fetch him; for we will not sit down till he comes here." And he sent, and brought him in. And he was red-haired, with beautiful eyes, and good looking. And the Lord said, "Arise, anoint him; for this is he." (1 Samuel 16:11-12)

Red-haired. Rabbi Abba ben Kahana said: "Altogether a shedder of blood. And when Samuel saw that David was red-headed ... he was smitten with fear, thinking he too might be a murderer. But the Holy One, blessed be He, reassured him that he had beautiful eyes [which meant] Esau slew by his own impulse, whereas he [David] would slay only on the sentence of the court. (Midrash Rabbah - Bereishit 63:8)

The beautiful eyes of David are a mirror of inherent kindness, and of David's ability to accept upon himself the law. The Midrash associates eyes with the Sanhedrin:

Thine eyes are as doves. Thine eyes refers to the Sanhedrin who are the eyes of the congregation, as it is written, "If it be hid from the eyes of the congregation." (Midrash Rabbah - Shir Hashirim I:64)

David believed in law and justice, and killed with the blessing of the Sanhedrin. His eyes shone with love for his people. When an intransigent bully (Goliath) threatens their safety, David will kill. For Esau, though, it seems like a sport, a test of his own mortality, a dangerous and futile dance with death.

David believed that there is a "Judge and judgement" both in this world and the next. Esau denied justice in either world, and spent his days pursuing death and causing death, tortured by his own mortality and despising those who found comfort in eternal life.

The first challenge of Esau's life -- the death of his beloved grandfather -- proved too great a test. Esau came away from that experience mean-spirited, a misanthrope dedicated to spreading his disease to all who crossed his path.

NOTES

Why should people be condemned if, by Yom Kippur, their mitzvos still equal their sins? If the two exactly balance each other, should they not be judged with mercy?

Rabbi Yisrael of Salant said that the answer is obvious. If people are given the opportunity to repent for their sins, yet still fail to do so, their negligence is a sin so terrible that it outweighs all the mitzvos.

While people cannot justify their sins, they can say that the intensity of temptation was overwhelming. As one Chassidic master pleaded, "Almighty God, if You had placed the terrors of Gehinnom before people's eyes and had concealed temptation in books, I swear to You that no one would sin. But You put temptation right before people's eyes and relegated the terrors of Gehinnom to the books, where it exists as an abstraction! Is it any wonder that people sin?"

Still, once the sin has been committed and the temptation assuaged, what justification can there be for not regretting that one has done wrong? Hence, said Rabbi Yisrael of Salant, the seriousness of a failure to repent. Sin may stem from an inherent weakness; neglect to rectify past wrongs constitutes an act of defiance and an attitude of unforgivable, arrogant self-righteousness which cannot be forgiven.

Today I shall ...
... make a reckoning of things I have done, and have the courage to recognize and admit what I have done wrong.

Daily Lift #852

Choose to Concentrate

(see Alai Shur, vol.1, p.24; Rabbi Noah Weinberg's 48 Ways to Wisdom; Gateway to Happiness, p.84)

 Now: ARUTZ SHEVA/ISRAEL NATIONAL RADIO - Please join us in the LIVE BROADCAST of the Eli Stutz and Yishai Fleisher Show in the "Virtual Studio" room at www.israelnationalradio.com ("Enter Virtual Room" - top left corner of page) or login directly at www.studio.virtualyeshiva.com. Schedule of Virtual Studio live broadcasts at bottom of login page

There are several different shows throughout&nbs p;the day. See www.studio.virtualyeshiva.com for times or on the INR website listed above.

When you plan and prepare carefully, you can legitimately expect to have success in your efforts. When you recognize and develop the winning qualities that you were born with, the winner you were born to be emerges. When you plan and prepare to make a sale, for example, you can legitimately expect to make a sale. Although not all your expectations are going to come to pass, you give yourself an infinitely better chance of succeeding by taking the proper steps. Regardless of your goal--losing weight, making more sales, furthering your education, earning a promotion, saving money for a new home or an exotic vacation--you can expect to achieve your goal if you plan and prepare for it. 

Also understand that the path from where you are to where you want to be is not always smooth and straight. The reason for the twists and bumps is simple, and it has nothing to do with you. It has more to do with the fact that not everyone is as interested in your success as you are. Some people may accidentally hinder your efforts; others who are in competition with you and have little or no integrity may try to sabotage your efforts.

Keep in mind, though, that when you hit those roadblocks your character, commitment, and attitude are the determining factors in your success... Carefully review your plan of action, seek wise counsel, and be particularly careful to feed your mind good information. An optimistic, positive mind is far more likely to come up with creative solutions than a mind that dwells on setbacks and difficulties.

Bottom line: expect success and you can achieve it!

Laws of removing hair, nails or skin on Shabbat.

GROUP B:

Melachot used in preparing the fabrics for the various curtains of the Mishkan, as in Exodus 32:25: "...and they brought the spun yarn of sky-blue wool, dark-red wool, crimson wool, and fine linen."

12. GOZEZ - Shearing
13. M'LABEIN - Bleaching
14. M'NAPETZ - Combing
15. TZOVE'AH - Dyeing
16. TOVEH - Spinning
17. MAYSECH - Warping
18. OSEH BATEH NIRIN - Setting up the loom
19. OREG - Weaving
20. POTZE'AH - Unweaving
21. KOSHEIR - Tying
22. MATIR - Untying
23. TOFER - Sewing
24. KORE'AH - Tearing --------------------