A Lesson A Day 29 Cheshvan, 5766 / December 1, 2005

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM 

Day 59 – Character Deficiencies 

Helping one’s fellow to improve his character also falls within the realm of toeles, constructive purpose.  If an acquaintance requires character refinement, then the mitzvah to reprove one’s fellow Jew requires one to bring the matter to that person’s attention with care and sensitivity.  However, if one feels incapable of offering reproof and knows that others are also aware of this person’s character deficiencies, he is permitted to discuss the matter with them and seek their advice or involvement, if necessary.  Though we have seen that it is lowly and forbidden to speak negatively of someone even with those who are already aware of the information, constructive speech is not at all lowly.

Should one find it necessary to consult with someone who is unaware of this person’s deficiencies for guidance in how to approach the person, he may do so, for this too constitutes constructive speech.  However, if it is possible to discuss the issue without mentioning names, then this course must be followed.

We have already seen (Day 53) that if one seeks the active involvement of someone who is unaware of the situation, that individual would have to investigate the matter personally and verify the facts before taking definitive action. 

SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON

No Credibility 

When one is told loshon hora and attempts to follow the Torah’s command to reject it as false, the evil inclination often counters with the following argument: “How can you not accept this report as fact? Dare you accuse the speaker of lying, of transgressing the prohibition, ‘Distance yourself from falsehood’? ” (Shemos 23:7). 

The response to this is as follows: If you were to see a Jew [who is knowledgeable in the laws of Jewish observance] flagrantly violate Torah law, would you then accept as fact whatever information he has to offer about others? Certainly not! Surely one cannot trust the word of one who openly flouts Hashem’s will. 

A Jew who speaks ill of his fellow has transgressed “You shall not be a gossipmonger among your people” (Vayikra 19:16), a most severe prohibition. As the halachah makes clear, this prohibition is violated even when the report is true. Thus, the speaker is guilty of severe transgression and, as such, has no credibility. 

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM 

Day 60 – Problem Students 

The dedicated teacher often finds it necessary to discuss the progress and difficulties of students with parents, colleagues and principals.  A lack of clear guidelines with regard to loshon hora⁽²⁾ can create either a free-for-all atmosphere, where people talk about anyone with anyone, or, at the other extreme, a simplistic approach to Shmiras Haloshon⁽³⁾ which could inhibit the teacher’s effectiveness as an educator. 

Generally speaking, the area of chinuch (child education and upbringing) constitutes a constructive purpose which would permit relating negative information concerning a student.  However, the specific conditions which permit speaking negatively for a constructive purpose must never be overlooked. 

Verification of facts is crucial.  For a teacher to play amateur psychologist and hastily diagnose the student as having some complex disability or disorder without pursuing the matter properly constitutes recklessness – and the consequences can be devastating.  To communicate one’s evaluation under such circumstances would be hotzaas shem ra (slander).  It is an unfortunate fact that certain problematic children have not succeeded only as a result of having been misunderstood by a teacher, whose labeling tainted the image of that student in the eyes of all his future teachers.   

A teacher must make every effort to fully understand the behavior of each student; he must not be swift to condemn.  It is essential that a student feel comfortable about expressing his true feelings to his teacher (in a respectable manner, of course).  Conditions 1-4 of constructive speech (see Day 50) necessitate a good heart-to-heart talk with the student before reporting a problem (unless one suspects that serious danger may be imminent).  

SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON 

Source of Merit 

To reject loshon hora as false is an exceedingly great source of merit — especially if the subject of the report is respected as a man of spiritual stature. Tanna D’Vei Eliyahu (II, ch. 7) states:

It is said of Yeravam ben Yoash that he was a man who accorded the prophets honor. Therefore, those nations which the Holy One, Blessed is He, did not give over into the hands of Yehoshua bin Nun or David, King of Israel, He gave over into the hands of Yeravam ben Yoash, as it is written, “He [Yeravam] returned the borders of Israel from the approach to Chamas until the sea of Aravah ...” (II Melachim 14:25). Why did Yeravam, who was an idol worshiper, merit this? Because he did not accept loshon hora regarding the prophet Amos. ...At that moment [when he rejected the report against the prophet], God said, “Though the generation is guilty of idol worship and its leader is guilty of idol worship, nevertheless, the land which I promised to Avraham, Yitzchak and Yaakov will be given over into his [Yeravam’s] hands.”

Shmiras Haloshon Yomi

29 Cheshvan, 5766 / December 1, 2005 

Day 60 - Split Personalities

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM — Laws of Loshon Hora 7:5-6 

The famed R’ Yisrael Salanter once said that the “eleventh commandment” is “Don’t be a fool,” which means that the Torah obligates us to use our intelligence and life experience to navigate our lives. So, when someone known to be dishonest attempts to swindle your life’s savings, you are under no obligation to judge him favorably and give him the benefit of the doubt. 

The Chofetz Chaim tells us that if someone is a confirmed rasha (wicked person), meaning that he openly and consistently transgresses Torah prohibitions, then one is allowed to accept loshon hora about him. The exact guidelines for classifying someone as a rasha are complex and are beyond the scope of this work. However, one point which has been mentioned earlier bears repeating. Nowadays, most non-observant Jews are people who have never been introduced to the beauty and truth of Torah Judaism. Rambam likens such a person to a “tinok shenishba,” a child who was captured by gentiles and who grew up ignorant of his heritage. Such a person is surely no rasha; we should treat him with love and compassion and surely we should not speak badly of him. 

The Chofetz Chaim then discusses the case of a person who recounts a story which reflects poorly on himself and on someone else as well. For example, you are at your twenty-fifth high school reunion and a former classmate is amusing everyone with a story about the time he and a friend — who could not attend the reunion — put maple syrup on the teacher’s chair. While the speaker may find the story funny, his friend might not want to be remembered for such things. And most people would not want their children to discover such stories about them. 

The halachah prohibits the listeners from accepting the loshon hora about the second person even though the speaker is incriminating himself as well. At first glance, this halachah seems difficult to observe. How am I to take a story which I heard firsthand and split it into two, believing it only regarding the speaker? The key here is to see halachah as a reality. As the Chofetz Chaim states, I cannot believe the story as far as it concerns the second person, because a Jew has a chezkas kashrus, a presumed status of one who is faithful to Torah and mitzvos — including the Torah’s requirements regarding proper behavior. Therefore, I have no right to believe that the second person has acted improperly unless I know this information firsthand. 

A story about the great Torah leader Rabbi Moshe Feinstein bears mentioning. Halachah prohibits a person from walking in front of someone who is praying Shemoneh Esrei. Once, R’ Moshe was on his way to an important meeting when he noticed someone near the doorway praying Shemoneh Esrei. He stopped in his tracks and would go no further. “There is a wall blocking my path,” R’ Moshe explained. The wall, of course, was the strength of the halachah which prohibited him from walking any further. By seeing halachah as a powerful reality, following its requirements becomes relatively easy. 

Day 61 - The Trustworthy Witness

SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM — Laws of Loshon Hora 7:7-8 

In this segment, the Chofetz Chaim begins discussing three situations where seemingly there is reason to allow the listener to accept loshon hora as fact. These situations are: 

1.  Where the speaker’s integrity is, to your mind, beyond reproach, to the point where his word alone is equivalent (in your eyes) to that of two men testifying in court. 

2.  Where the derogatory information is inferred from an innocent remark which was not spoken with the intent of conveying negative information. 

3.  Where there is strong evidence indicating that the derogatory information is true. 

The Chofetz Chaim devotes the remainder of this segment to a discussion of the first of these situations. Earlier (Day 42), we discussed a case where a person witnessed an act of sin, but knew that the sinner would ignore his words of rebuke. In this case, if it is likely the person will repeat the offense, then the witness would be allowed to relate the information to the sinner’s rav or someone else who is in a position to offer rebuke. One of the three conditions which make this permissible is that the rav or parent knows the witness and trusts his word as he would the testimony of two witnesses. 

Here, the Chofetz Chaim points out that for the witness to be permitted to relate what he has seen, it would have to have been an act which was an intentional violation of a well-known halachah. However, in a situation where the perpetrator may have acted out of ignorance or unwittingly, the witness would be required to give him the benefit of the doubt. He would not be allowed to report the incident in a derogatory way to the person’s rav; if he did report it, the rav would not be permitted to accept the witness’s interpretation. The same applies in any situation where it is not clear that the subject has intentionally violated a mitzvah. 

For instance, a local charity is seeking a donation from a successful young businessman in the community. The young man refuses to contribute. While giving charity is certainly required by the Torah, refusing a particular request is not a violation of that law. Perhaps the young man has given his share elsewhere, or has less to give than others think. In this example, even if the fundraiser feels that the young man is being stingy, he is not allowed to approach the young man’s rav and ask that he rebuke his congregant for his stinginess. 

Similarly, even when the speaker is a person whom the listener trusts implicitly, he would not be permitted to accept any sort of report which the speaker is forbidden to discuss; for example, that the subject lacks intelligence, that he has a shameful family history, etc. 

The Chofetz Chaim states that in cases where the information does pertain to an obvious sin, the listener cannot accept the report (from someone whom he trusts like two witnesses) for the purpose of rebuking unless the speaker himself witnessed the incident. Furthermore, the listener, may not repeat the information to others unless there is a constructive purpose (and all 7 conditions are met — see Day 77). Obviously, the listener may not cause the perpetrator physical or monetary harm as a result of the report. 

It is important to bear in mind that when one approaches a rav or parent to exercise their positive influence on someone, a potentially volatile situation has been created. This is especially true regarding parents; many parents resent hearing negative reports about their children and when they are approached with such reports their defense mechanisms shift into high gear. In such cases, extreme care and caution should be exercised so that the negative words which are spoken can achieve their intended purpose.

Lessons in Truth

29 Cheshvan, 5766 / December 1, 2005 

Day 59 - Purpose of Redemption

SEFER SHEM OLAM — Chapter Five: Approaching Torah Study with Alacrity 

Attainment of Torah knowledge is the greatest of all accomplishments, and therefore one should direct constant effort and energy toward this goal. It is well known that Torah study is paramount among all mitzvos. 

Many mitzvos — among them Shabbos, Pesach and tefillin — are intertwined with the Exodus from Egypt. The Torah stresses the Exodus so much because through its great miracles, fundamental matters of Jewish faith became clear for all time, as it is written, “Israel saw the great hand that Hashem inflicted upon Egypt... and they had faith in Hashem and in Moshe, His servant” (Shemos 14:31). The Exodus also demonstrated the concept of hashgachah, Hashem’s awareness of and involvement in all that transpires on this earth, as the Torah states, “... so that you will know that I am Hashem in the midst of the Land” (ibid. 8:18). For these lessons alone, the Exodus would have been worthwhile. 

However, the Torah makes clear that the Exodus served yet another crucial purpose, one which surpassed even those which we have mentioned. The primary goal of the Exodus was that it should serve as a prelude to the Giving of the Torah at Sinai. “[Hashem said to Moshe]: When you take the people out of Egypt, you will serve God on this mountain” (ibid. 3:12). And as the Torah states regarding the mitzvah of tefillin, “... it shall be as a sign on your arm and a reminder between your eyes — so that Hashem’s Torah may be in your mouth — for [this is why] with a strong hand Hashem took you out of Egypt” (ibid. 13:9). 

The Talmud teaches: “Through what [deeds] do women merit eternal life? Through bringing their children to the synagogue to learn Scripture, through sending their husbands to the study hall [to learn], and for waiting for their husbands until they come home from the study hall” (Berachos 17a). The obvious question is: Why not credit women with the many mitzvos which they do that are unrelated to Torah study? 

As the Chofetz Chaim makes clear in the following segment, there is a degree of spiritual reward that can be attained only through the merit of Torah study. Additionally, notes Rabbi Chaim Pinchus Scheinberg, our Sages teach that to merit techias hameisim (the revival of the dead), Torah study is a must. As the Talmud states, the merit to come alive again will come from the “dew” of Torah (Kesubos 111b). Only Torah study has this life-giving quality.

Rabbi Scheinberg adds that an unmarried woman can gain merit through support of Torah study. The Torah tells us that the tribes of Yissachar and Zevulun engaged in a partnership whereby Yissachar devoted his life to the study of Torah and was supported by Zevulun (See Day 65). Zevulun’s spiritual reward for this “partnership” was equal to that of Yissachar. Anyone, man or woman, can acquire the merit of Torah study through its support (from Heart to Heart Talks). 

Day 60 - Source of Life and Light

SEFER SHEM OLAM — Chapter Five: Approaching Torah Study with Alacrity (cont.) 

Hashem seeks to grant the Jewish people merit so that they can enjoy eternal life in the World to Come. It is impossible to attain this without Torah, which is the source of spiritual life, as it is written, “...for it is your life and the length of your days...” (Devarim 30:20). Torah is also the source of spiritual light, as it is written, “For a mitzvah is a lamp and the Torah is light” (Mishlei 6:23). When a person attaches himself to Torah, its light casts its glow upon his soul and it is through this light that he lives an eternal life in the World to Come. This is what is meant by “...and eternal life He implanted in us...” which is recited each morning in Shacharis and as part of the closing blessing of the public Torah reading. Specifically, these words refer to the Oral Law. 

Conversely, a Jew who separates himself from Torah, separates himself from life itself — literally. We can now understand why Hashem is so exacting when the Jewish people forsake the Torah, as the Talmud teaches: “The Holy One, Blessed is He, was yielding regarding the sins of idol worship, immorality and murder, but He was unyielding regarding the disruption of Torah study [bitul Torah]” (Yerushalmi Chagigah 1:7). 

The Jewish people are as precious to Hashem as a child is to a father or mother. Can we imagine the distress of a father who watches as his child swallows a potion that will shorten his lifespan? Hashem’s distress, as it were, is many times greater when a Jew forsakes the mitzvah of Torah study, for he is thereby cutting himself off from the source of eternal life. 

The Chofetz Chaim refers to the teaching that the Heavenly decree of exile and destruction of the First Beis HaMikdash was sealed on account of the Jews’ disruption of Torah study. Elsewhere, our Sages teach that the generation was guilty of “not reciting the [required] blessing on the Torah prior to learning” (Nedarim 81a). Rabbi Aharon Kotler explained: 

They believed in Torah and mitzvos and fulfilled their religious obligations, including involvement and toil in Torah study, but they failed to appreciate the inestimable value of Torah, that without it there is no purpose whatsoever to Creation and that the whole eternal purpose of life can be fulfilled only through Torah. Therefore, they failed to recognize the great importance of offering praise [to God] for the Torah [by reciting the Blessing of the Torah]. Because of this, they lacked the benefit of the full spiritual light that radiates from Torah. 

Though the First Beis HaMikdash was destroyed because of the three cardinal sins which were found among a portion of the people, nevertheless, had their appreciation for Torah been adequate, G-d would have been yielding — because they would have been in a position to repent and better their ways. However, once they lacked a proper appreciation of Torah, it was impossible to ignore their sins.(Mishnas Rabbi Aharon, based on Rabbeinu Yonah as cited by Ran)

FOLLOW-THROUGH 

"Everything depends upon execution; having just a vision is no solution."-- Stephen Sondheim

"Some people plant in the spring and leave in the summer. If you've signed up for a season, see it through. You don't have to stay forever, but at least stay until you see it through." -- Jim Rohn

"Follow up and follow through until the task is completed, the prize won." -- Brian Tracy

"Failure is not about insecurity. It's about lack of execution." -- Jeffrey Gitomer

PROGRESS

Whatever there be of progress in life comes not through adaptation but through daring, through obeying the blind urge.

Henry Miller (1891-1980)
Writer


Work is the conduit between the supply and the demand of all human needs, the forerunner of human progress, and the medium by which the imagination is given the wings of action.

Dennis Kimbro
Motivational writer and speaker

by Adam Lieberman

Living For Tomorrow

Esau and Jacob were twin brothers. Esau spent his days hunting in the fields and his brother, Jacob, spent his time studying and learning. One day, Jacob was making a stew when his brother Esau came in from a long day of being in the field and...

"Esau said to Jacob, 'Pour ... me ... some of that red stuff for I am exhausted.' Jacob said, 'Sell ... your birthright to me.' ....Esau said, '...I am going to die, so of what use to me is a birthright?' " (Genesis 25:30-32)

A LIFE LESSON

Why would someone sell his birthright, which was worth an incalculable amount both spiritually and monetarily, for a bowl of stew? Esau gladly did so and then justified it because he was one day going to pass away.

Sadly, this is the similar rationale we use ourselves when we want to engage in any unhealthy behavior. We all live with a constant inner struggle between having immediate gratification or thinking about the future. But healthy decisions can only be made when someone lives with the awareness that his choices have a direct impact on his life. This "tomorrow filter" is what all of your desired actions need to pass through.

Many smokers rationalize their habit by declaring that, "we're all going to die of something ... I might as well enjoy myself." If you push that faulty logic a little further, they might as well live their entire lives just as recklessly. How about only eating foods that are loaded with sugar or fat? Or maybe experiment with drugs after a long, hard day.

The problem with all of this is there is a tomorrow and it's precisely how you live today that will determine this tomorrow. Pointing out someone you know who never got sick and lived to 129 years old on a diet of whiskey, steak and cigars doesn't give you the freedom to live recklessly and without limits. In fact, it's actually these stories that give you true free will to choose a correct and healthy path.

Esau cared only about what he wanted now. There was no thinking about tomorrow. This kind of thinking can lead someone to do anything he feels like doing and then proudly and confidently justify his behavior.

You can only truly feel great when you sacrifice short-term pleasure by investing in your future and doing what's right. Sacrificing what's right for your immediate pleasure ultimately makes you feel lousy. And that's the great irony.

God set up a system that demands that we grow. And this can only happen through fighting temptations and doing what's right. Then the lasting joy you'll own forever will be on a stratospheric higher level than the temporary and fleeting pleasure you passed up. And the more you're able to do this, the happier you'll be. Today and tomorrow.